Trader Joe's Breakfast Burritos

This post begins a whole week of reviews of Trader Joe's Mexican food. 


First let me address the heating directions. I found once again that TJ's significantly understates the oven time needed. They say 10 minutes unwrapped, then 15-20 minutes wrapped in foil, all at 450 degrees. But that leaves these things just barely above room temperature in the middle. For my second one, I went 25 minutes in the foil, and that got it to warm. But they should be piping hot. If I were going to try again, I'd go for 30 minutes.

However, I'm never going to get the opportunity, because this product will never inhabit my kitchen again. Why? Blame it on the Blandification Committee. They finished their usual process, then hired some temp workers and had them work overtime on further blandification, trying to see just how far they could go down the road of utter lack of flavor in a food product.

But don't take my word for it. Here's how it was expressed by the "What's Good at Trader Joe's" blog four years ago:

Really, Trader Joe's? Really? C'mon. I'm just going to go ahead and say skip these and stick to whatever kind of breakfast burrito you can buy off the roach coach that pulls up to your office parking lot in the morning. It might not be healthy, but I can virtually guarantee it'll have more flavor. Sonia immediately proclaimed "These taste like cardboard." That says it all. They do. I'm not sure what process can prevent the natural flavors of eggs, potatoes, turkey bacon, and cheese from coming through at all, but TJ's has apparently discovered one. Honestly, to call these "bland" would be a gross understatement. I slathered my burrito with Cholula hot sauce and was able to finish it. Sonia finished hers, too, but only because she really doesn't like to waste food.

Or consider the similar assessment from the "Club Trader Joe's" blog, also from 2011:

I really like the idea of breakfast burritos! I really, really wanted to like these, but here again is another example where TJ’s goes a little overboard on the healthy food kick. These include “nitrite free turkey bacon”. OK, this stuff had no flavor what so ever. I couldn’t taste any bacon flavor at all! Then comes the lite shredded cheese. Again, no flavor. I couldn’t really tell there was cheese in it at all. Really all I tasted was some eggs and potatoes. I had to put a bunch of salt and pepper on them and then dip the burrito in some Trader Joe’s Salsa!

These people speak truth. It should not be possible to take a tortilla, eggs, potatoes, Jack cheese, and turkey bacon, and have the result taste like...nothing. But TJ's has done exactly that. OK, to be fair, I can taste a little potato and a bit of scrambled egg. But I never once noticed any cheesiness nor a bit of bacony anything in two of these bad boys.

It's a completely pointless, meritless product, worthy of a dishonorable mention in my Bottom Ten list.

Incidentally, if you ever want to taste the best breakfast burrito on the planet, try Hurricane's next time you're in Albuquerque, New Mexico, and ask for the "Breakfast Disaster Burrito." Trust me on this.

Will I buy it again? 

No. It's a disaster, and not in the nice Hurricane's way.