Trader Joe's Serrano Salsa Fresca

This is pretty heavy on the onions, which is usually a dealbreaker for me. But surprisingly, this time that wasn't what made me reject it--it was the cilantro. It's so loaded with the stuff that I think they ought to just call it "Cilantro Salsa" as a warning to all those who, like me, find it unpleasant.

I also thought it was mislabeled in terms of the heat quotient. The TJ's chili thermometer is shown at the halfway point, but I thought this warranted more than that--like maybe 3/4 of the way up.


Will I buy it again? 

No. I had maybe 10 corn chips' worth, and couldn't take any more. I gave the rest to Nina; she thought it was pretty good.

Roundup

This is my weekly compilation of news and other links about Trader Joe's.


Healthy Trader Joe's products nutritionists swear by

9 discontinued Trader Joe's products we wish would come back

What to buy in the Trader Joe's freezer aisle

5 wellness pros' must-buys at Trader Joe's

My Trader Joe's top 5

LAPD investigates string of armed robberies at Trader Joe's



Best tweets of the week:

Everytime I go to Trader Joe’s I fall in love with a different cashier. #TraderJoes #lifeissohard #justcant

— P P (@actuallypp) April 25, 2018

I often question the existence of #god, but Thai lime & chili cashews from #traderjoes point to yes. #cashews #snacks

— Michael Paletz (@michaelpaletz) April 25, 2018

I feel both tickled and disturbed to find my face on an “all occasion” napkin. Some occasions that call for the use of napkins don’t really bear thinking about … pic.twitter.com/8yqtspQSRu

— Stephen Fry (@stephenfry) April 26, 2018

RT if this is you at #TraderJoes. pic.twitter.com/IQv1OwINPC

— LearnVest (@LearnVest) April 26, 2018

Also I like how #TraderJoes just doesn’t have a twitter. pic.twitter.com/3Z5vyTVMHU

— Ted Schaller (@TedMannSchaller) April 27, 2018

And finally, here's this week's cute cat in a Trader Joe's grocery bag:

Trader Joe's Banana Bonanza Bread

I love this! Admittedly, the reason is primarily that I'm a sucker for banana, and this is so loaded with banana flavor that I can actually start tasting it before a forkful is in my mouth. Nina thought the texture was too "gummy," but I didn't. I ate half of the loaf by myself in one evening.


Will I buy it again? 

Yes.

Trader Joe's Seed & Bean Medley

This absolutely lives up to its claim of being crunchy and salty. In fact, if the crunchiness and saltiness here are not enough for you, I don't think you have anywhere left to turn short of going down into a rock-salt mine and gnawing on the walls.

The corn is huge, just like the Giant Peruvian Inca Corn. I also loved the chickpeas and fava beans. The edamame was OK. I thought the dried peas were an inspired addition, but there were very, very few of them to be found, sadly.

The biggest weakness is the pumpkin seeds. Subjectively, I just don't care much for them. Objectively, they're vastly overrepresented here--like nearly half of the volume.


Will I buy it again? 

Undecided. If it weren't for those darn pumpkin seeds, it would be a definite yes. I'll have to ponder whether the good half of the bag is worth putting up with--or wasting--the half I didn't like.

Trader Joe's Korean Style BBQ Sauce

I think calling this barbecue sauce is a misnomer, if not outright fraud.

After water and sugar, the main ingredient is soy sauce. This is followed by something called gochujang sauce, consisting mainly of sugar and miso. Bringing up the rear are sake, garlic, ginger, cornstarch, lemon juice concentrate, and red pepper. There's almost nothing traditionally barbecuish in the bottle.

From the product name, I expected a mainstream BBQ sauce with a soy-sauce accent--which I think would be interesting and potentially a winner--but frankly I found it hard to taste anything here except the soy sauce. A spiced-up soy sauce is really not what I want on my (fake/vegetarian) pulled pork.


Will I buy it again? 

No.

Trader Joe's Crunchy Cinnamon Squares Milk Chocolate Bar

This is basically an ordinary milk chocolate bar with a layer of cinnamon stuck to the bottom. The label says it's "bits of crunchy cinnamon squares cereal." I didn't find that. If there's any cereal, it's crushed to a power and mixed with the cinnamon.

I think chocolate and cinnamon is a new flavor combination for me. At least I can't think of anything else I've ever eaten that features it. I don't think it works well. It gave me a weird sensation of not being able to process both dominant flavors at once. I felt like, "There's the chocolate...oh, and there's the cinnamon. And some chocolate. And some cinnamon." This could easily be some strange brain wiring or sensory problem in me, rather than anything intrinsic to the candy bar.


Will I buy it again? 

No.

Trader Joe's Creamy Danish Havarti Cheese

This is, I think, only my second time tasting Havarti cheese, at least by itself. The first was this.

Its texture is OK, but really too soft and rubbery for my taste. The flavor is just too mild for me to really enjoy. Based on my two samples, I'd say this is a characteristic of Havarti cheese generally, not something peculiar to be faulted in this particular product. And I'm sure that what I see as a fault, others will see as a virtue. YMMV.


Will I buy it again? 

No.

Roundup

This is my weekly compilation of news and other links about Trader Joe's.


10 best Trader Joe's wines for spring

11 things Trader Joe's employees want you to know

10 signs you're a Trader Joe's mom

My 15 favorite items from Trader Joe's

The thing about Trader Joe's...



Best tweets of the week:

Me deciding between #traderjoes once filtered coconut oil or triple filtered coconut oil like pic.twitter.com/HzwXehPnAu

— Saint Pablow (@reubensanwhich) April 15, 2018

#TraderJoes thanks for including a Bee/ Bug in my freshly opened jam, I’m glad it was right at the top. All I wanted was some PB&J and now I have to have a Viking funeral for my jammed companion. #ThisIsNotMyJam #BeeJam #SpaceJam #imhungry pic.twitter.com/Foj7CGKcC5

— Mike Mayfield (@MrMongoMike) April 15, 2018

Spending $220 at Trader Joe's and having no idea how is the adult equivalent of blacking out. #adulting #traderjoes

— Mallory Thomasson (@MalThomasson) April 16, 2018

God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob,
I come before you humbly to say thank you for the hands that prepared Cookie Butter ice cream from #TraderJoes

— Five Two Fine Too (@RichAuntyMeg) April 18, 2018

I always feel such a connection when a stranger and I get on the same train with Trader Joe's bags. Like: "yeah you like those deals too huh? Have you tried the frozen brussel sprouts? 99 cents a bag. Unbelievable savings. I love you." 💚 #TraderJoes pic.twitter.com/7Cd3qB5CHD

— Ian (@IanTurnwald) April 17, 2018

My obsession with #TraderJoes has led to one of my tweets being featured as a best tweet of the week in a blog dedicated to TJ: https://t.co/Mq9lFPCDyi 👍🏽😂

— Joelle Parra (@JoelleParra) April 18, 2018

F*CK. I just had the chocolate babka from #traderjoes. My quality of life went up 5 more points.

— Mary Grace T. Go (@theMaryGraceTgo) April 19, 2018

I want to be as happy as #TraderJoes employees look.

— Brandon Wentzel (@TheOctoberMoon) April 19, 2018

There are sickos who go to Whole Foods when TRADER JOES exists!! Why tf you spending $100 for some damn kale????!!!!!! #TraderJoes #wholefoods pic.twitter.com/V07HtY9eX4

— Wendy (@Wendylajush) April 21, 2018

Hey #TraderJoes can you design your cat food cans differently? I almost added your tuna cat food to my casserole. #yuck #imnotacat pic.twitter.com/K4V7kU6nJB

— Linsey (@LinzyLooMau) April 21, 2018

And finally, a reader has sent me four pictures of her cute cat in a Trader Joe's grocery bag, so I'm covered for a while, even though I have seen no new ones posted on social media in a few weeks:

Trader Joe's Banana Bread Mix

On the plus side, this is easy to make: blend the mix, eggs, oil, and water, and let it bake 40 minutes. Also, it comes out with a nice, moist texture.

On the minus side--and here we get into the unforgivable territory--it barely tastes like bananas at all. It's more vanilla than banana. Maybe this is the inevitable result of using banana powder instead of mashed-up real bananas, as in traditional recipes, but I find it unacceptable. I felt like doing my best Clara Peller imitation and shouting at the box, "Where's the banana?"


Will I buy it again? 

No.

Trader Joe's Raises The Bar Chewy Granola Bar With Maple Flavor, Oats, Millet, Quinoa, Amaranth, Buckwheat & Pumpkin Seeds

I had to include the super-long name here in order to distinguish this product from a similar one that is the same up through the "chewy granola bar" part.

These are OK, with a nicely chewy texture, but they have way too much maple flavor for my taste. Of course, if you're a bigger fan of maple than I am, this will be a feature, not a bug.


Will I buy it again? 

No.

Trader Joe's Mini Cannoli

Did not like. The texture of the pastry shell was wrong, and the chocolate didn't seem to blend well with the cheese filling.


Will I buy it again? 

No. With all due respect to "The Godfather," I'd have to advise my readers to take the gun, leave the cannoli.

Trader Joe's Pecorino Romano Raw Sheep's Milk Cheese

This is, to me, indistinguishable from any other Romano cheese I've had. It's salty, and hard to the point of brittleness. It's not very well suited to eating sliced on crackers, which is what I want from a block of cheese. I'm sure it would do well grated on pasta, but I'm lazy enough that I buy pre-shredded cheeses when I want to do that.


Will I buy it again? 

No.

Trader Joe's Ricotta & Spinach Tortelloni With Red Pesto

Unlike most such boasts, the "ready in 5 minutes" here is pretty close to true. Just peel back a corner of the lid and zap it for five minutes.

However, the result is a pretty uninteresting mess of filled pasta and diced veggies. It has been terribly thrashed by the Trader Joe's Blandification Committee.

I fixed this, and simultaneously added a lot of protein to the meal, by separately cooking some thin-sliced fake sausage (this one, which is one of the best you can buy) and adding it to the dish. That made it about 10 times better than it was on its own.


Will I buy it again? 

Yes. I think it's one that Nina would like, so I'll get it at least once more for a dinner with her--appropriately improved by the sausage, of course.

Roundup

This is my weekly compilation of news and other links about Trader Joe's.


Vegan items that Trader Joe's needs to develop

The 3 best French foods from Trader Joe's

5 simple date-night recipes from Trader Joe's

5 best grocery stores to go to if you have to drag your kids along

Best Trader Joe's beach snacks

Lawsuit alleges Trader Joe's mislabels kombucha




Best tweets of the week:

Being 31 means texting the people you love about the “killer savings” you encountered at #TraderJoes

— Lauren Ann Brickman (@LaurenABrickman) April 8, 2018

My psychic told me I will always be secure financially, but little did she know how much money I blew at #TraderJoes yesterday 💸🤷🏻‍♀️

— Lindsay P (@iac_lindsay) April 8, 2018

I love that #TraderJoes has a picture of a spoon on their almond butter. Like, “We know you’re going to eat this straight out the jar. Live your best life.” pic.twitter.com/W36P1sA1lf

— Amanda (@WeeBookishBeast) April 12, 2018

Last night I dreamed that I was shopping at #TraderJoes.
This is what happens when you live hundreds of miles away from any Trader Joe’s. pic.twitter.com/mScjUMkCMd

— Chelsea Batten (@thechelseagrin) April 13, 2018

Spot the grammatical error! #grammar #traderjoes pic.twitter.com/a2cBRwmb5C

— Deniz Boysan (@DenizBoysan1) April 14, 2018

And finally... nope, I got nothin'. Still no pictures of cute cats in Trader Joe's grocery bags. It's been quite a dry spell on the interwebz.

Jasper Hill Vault No. 5 Cave Aged Cheese

See this item on the producer's web site here.

It's not called a cheddar, but it tastes pretty cheddary--like one of the longest-aged cheddars, in fact, with that characteristic "bite" that develops with time. Very flavorful.

I liked it just fine, but it doesn't rise into my list of favorites.


Will I buy it again? 

No.

Trader Joe's Dutch Smoked Cheese

I don't know why this isn't called a smoked Gouda; Gouda appears not to be one of those protected variety names. But it sure tastes like a smoked Gouda--a good one at that.


Will I buy it again? 

Yes. I love me a good smoked (non-) Gouda.

Trader Joe's Shredded Mozzarella Cheese

When I noticed the new sprouted-grain pizza crusts and decided to make some pizzas, I just grabbed the first shredded mozzarella package I saw. I couldn't remember whether I had had either it or some other version from Trader Joe's before. (That's not quite true; I did remember the disgusting vegan version, and knew to steer clear of it.)

This one tasted quite good, and I was happy with how it melted on the pizzas. But looking back through my archives, I see that I raved about the organic version. Without trying both at the same time, it's really hard for me to know how they actually compare. But my inclination is to trust my first impression of the excellence of the organic one. Besides, organic in milk products means the cows are not treated with antibiotics, which I think is a worthwhile thing to support.


Will I buy it again? 

No, because I'll choose the organic one instead.

Trader Joe's Fat Free Pizza Sauce

This was perfectly decent pizza sauce--right up the middle of what you'd expect, with no surprises. Not too sweet, not too salty, not too spicy, not too chunky. It's been a couple of years since I had Trader Joe's refrigerated pizza sauce, but my memory of it is about the same this stuff, and this has the added advantage of shelf stability. I'd kind of like to try them side by side, but I never make enough pizza to justify having both open at one, as about half of each would end up wasted.


Will I buy it again? 

Yes.

Trader Joe's Sprouted Whole Grain Pizza Crust

I've never before encountered pre-made pizza crusts for sale without being frozen or refrigerated. It seems...odd.

The package contains two crusts. I've made pizzas with both of them now. The first time, I used the minimum bake time recommended on the wrapper: 10 minutes. That had the cheese topping done just right. But the crust was underdone, good around the edges, but the center still too soft. The second time, I went for the maximum time recommended: 15 minutes. (I was using a genuine pizza stone in the oven both times.) That did better for the crust, but now the cheese was overcooked.

These crusts had a pleasant flavor, but that was outweighed by two fatal flaws. First, there is no raised edge, so you have to be super careful about keeping the sauce and other toppings away from the edge to avoid spillover. Second, the "sprouted whole grains" include wheat berries and rye berries. (See the full ingredients list and other info in the Trader Joe's introduction to this new product here.) These are hard kernels, and I found it majorly unpleasant to encounter those unyielding nuggets between my teeth.


Will I buy it again? 

No.

Roundup

This is my weekly roundup of news and other links about Trader Joe's.


Trader Joe's lack of name-brand products is appalling

The branding genius of Trader Joe's

Why your business should be more like Trader Joe's

Our go-to Trader Joe's shopping list

15 Trader Joe's items that everyone should obsess over

Dead lizard found in bag of Trader Joe's kale

Best cheeses at Trader Joe's

15 Trader Joe's foods you should not have in your kitchen



Best tweets of the week:

There’s not a lot that a bucket of #TraderJoes chocolatey cat cookies can’t make right. 😻

— Paula Green (@PSharGreen) April 1, 2018

#YoullNeverFoolMe #TraderJoes with your reduced-guilt #macandcheese. I ate it three days ago and still feel guilty af. pic.twitter.com/WIElRA4Z4V

— Eldonna Edwards (@EldonnaEdwards) April 1, 2018

Has anyone ever successfully pulled the plastic seal off of a trader joes hummus or soup container? #impossible #traderjoes #tjs #favoritegrocer

— Jeff Baum (@jjbaum14) April 2, 2018

Bury me with vegan chorizo and the Mediterranean hummus from @TraderJoesList #vegan #TraderJoes

— Beth Pauley (@betypauley) April 2, 2018

I just ate half the jar of #TraderJoes cookie butter, so that’s where I’m at in life

— Joph (@jsuzannemd) April 2, 2018

My #TraderJoes was sold out of the Everything But The Bagel Seasoning. pic.twitter.com/6nrHup3NX3

— Joelle Parra (@JoelleParra) April 3, 2018

the reduced guilt mac and cheese from Trader Joe’s would probably be my last meal if I ever wound up in prison 🤤 #traderjoes

— Alexus Morisette (@alexusmorisette) April 3, 2018

The new #TraderJoes in #NoMA is glorious. pic.twitter.com/JAytEC9NQO

— Mary Kong-DeVito (@maryculturist) April 3, 2018

I'm convinced women in yoga pants get some kind of discount I don't get at #TraderJoes.

— Edan Clay 🌊 (@EdanClay) April 4, 2018

When your lizard arrives dead, with 3 legs in a bag of kale you start to wonder where the 4th leg is... @TraderJoesList #traderjoes #kale #wildlife #allnatural #eatingwild pic.twitter.com/UrmuUKOz0y

— Julie Lundy (@JuliEELundy) April 4, 2018

#TraderJoes everything bagel seasoning has changed my life.

— Ally Kershner (@alexiskmorgann) April 4, 2018

No one goes to Trader Joe’s because they need something. You go to Trader Joe’s and let #TraderJoes tell you what you need. #factsoflife

— Shannon Krueger (@shay_vino) April 4, 2018

Hey #TraderJoes! I just got a stellar product idea from my toddler who can’t say peanut butter. It’s called “Pizza Butter”! DM me for address to send the checks because this is going to make billions.

— Andy Chill (@andybobandyz) April 4, 2018

Me looking for a lizard inside this stupid #traderjoes bagged salad. pic.twitter.com/bHbzv4y3sX

— StoneColdStephAustin (@stephbergara) April 6, 2018

I mean, I had already assumed that kale was 85% dried up lizard skins anyway, so this just cements that theory. #kale #lizard #TraderJoes

*reaches for ranch dressing* https://t.co/IYJLmyfYWl

— Jimmy (@srodrigueziii) April 6, 2018

Cashier at TJ’s was super friendIy! I almost fooled myself into thinking I’d made a new friend, but clearly by the end of the transaction he was ready to move on, leaving me standing there with 2 bags of groceries and a dollop of chagrin. #TraderJoes

— Trey Nichols (@treynichols) April 7, 2018

I came to the realization that my 2 favorite conversation topics are #traderjoes and #HowardStern .
In unrelated news, I will probably be alone forever.

— Tara Jayne Sands (@TaraSandsLA) April 7, 2018

Hey #TraderJoes I am uniquely qualified to tell you that these are not garbanzo beans...#surprise! pic.twitter.com/gKBbiJWh9W

— Malia Gehan (@maliagehan) April 7, 2018

And finally--nope, still no new cats in Trader Joe's grocery bags. You people are failing me.

Trader Joe's Milk Chocolate Truffles

These are a huge disappointment. The chocolate feels and tastes like the cheapest stuff Trader Joe's could find. (And they had to go all the way to Germany to get it?!) The center is just a dab of some kind of not-nice, vanilla-flavored cream. Eating them is an unpleasant experience in both flavor and texture.


Will I buy it again? 

No. Nina and I each had two, the second being to be sure that the ickiness of the first was not an anomaly. The rest are to be returned for refund.

Trader Joe's Kentucky Bourbon BBQ Sauce

I've never swallowed any bourbon, but now I have a pretty good idea of what it tastes like. This sauce is loaded with an unfamiliar (to me) flavor that just has to be the bourbon. It's a burned, slightly bitter flavor--and I don't like it at all. I've tried it three times now, and though my dislike on the third tasting wasn't as intense as on the first, it's still a net negative. On all three occasions, I was comparing it directly with Trader Joe's Carolina Gold, with half of the plate using each, and I strongly preferred the latter each time, with every forkful.


Will I buy it again? 

No. I don't want to eat any more of it, so it's going back to the store for a refund.

Trader Joe's Speculoos Cookie Butter Ice Cream

I've still never bought Trader Joe's cookie butter, in any of its many varieties. The reason is simple: I'm pretty sure I would love it, and one jar after another would vanish from my cupboard, only to reappear on my abdomen.

This ice cream confirms my impression. The substrate is just your everyday vanilla ice cream. But swirled throughout is delicious cookie butter. I quickly found myself enjoying each bite in direct proportion to how much cookie butter any particular spoonful contained.


Will I buy it again? 

No. The only thing I liked about it was the stuff swirled in. The only thing worse than sitting down and eating a jar of cookie butter is eating a quart of mediocre ice cream to get at the swirls of cookie butter it contains.

Trader Joe's Mini Triple Chocolate Bundt Cakes

These are over-the-top rich--so much chocolate, sugar, and fat that I could barely finish one of the four. The rest went back to the store for a refund. I love chocolate and I love cake, but here it's all just way, way too much.


Will I buy it again? 

No.

Trader Joe's Organic Spinach & Ricotta Pizza

The thin crust on this pizza was quite nice--crisp and tasty. But the toppings were a disappointment. The spinach was tough and the ricotta cheese basically tasteless lumps of fat.


Will I buy it again? 

No.