Trader Joe's ABC + K Slaw

Eating this slaw was the first occasion in my life in which I've been inclined to say, "There's not enough kale here."

Because of how it's packed, with the kale on top, it's easy to believe there's more of it than turns out to be so. In reality, you end up with a kind of gloppy mix of carrot shreds and beet shreds, with an occasion stray kale leaf, and some glops of apple. Nothing mixes together well.

That said, when I bought it I thought there was about a 75% chance that I'd hate it and not even finish one serving. I didn't hate it. In fact, I liked it better than Nina did, which I would have estimated had a 0.00000001% chance of being true. That doesn't mean that I loved it, but I didn't mind it--and I ate all of mine, while she quit about halfway through hers. I even went back and had two more servings of it over the next couple of days.


Will I buy it again? 

No. I think apples, beets, and carrots pretty much need to stay in their own lanes.

Trader Joe's Marbellous Chocolate Bar

As you can see from the packaging, this is intended as a gift. It even opens as a gift card before you get to the pouch that holds the chocolate. (The back of the package steals the strange phrase "strikingly visual bar" from the Marbled Mint Crunch Chocolate Bar. Both are listed as products of Ireland. Dollars to doughnuts, they're made by the same supplier.)

The chocolate bar is really pretty--even more so than the small part you can through the window above. But it's kind of odd-tasting. I think this must be because of the large percentage of white chocolate. The dark chocolate parts remind me strongly of Hershey's chocolate syrup from my childhood.


Will I buy it again? 

No. One was plenty.

Trader Joe's Pitted Amarena Cherries With Stems In Syrup

I had never heard of Amarena cherries before spotting this jar at Trader Joe's. I bought it anyway. They're cherries; they can't be bad.

And they're not. But the way they're presented here, you can't just sit down and eat a bowlful. (After all, life isn't just a bowl of cherries.) The syrup here is heavily sugared, turning the cherries into something akin to Maraschino cherries--preserved, essentially. They work as a garnish, but in no other way.


Will I buy it again? 

No. I just don't have any use for this kind of thing.

Trader Joe's Unsulfured Dried Pear Slices

I expected that I would love these, but they were no good. Too dry and tough, not flavorful enough.


Will I buy it again? 

No.

Trader Joe's Chocolate Mint Flavored Cupcakes

Oh, these are truly excellent--and an innovative twist on the age-old chocolate/mint flavor combination. At least I've never seen anything like them.

All the description you need is right there under the product name on the label. What you need from me, then, is simply confirmation that it's not misleading or overly hyped. It is, in fact, quite accurate on all points. But they left out that there's a mint-chocolate star cookie on top.


Will I buy it again? 

Well, they're far too rich to have often, even if they were going to be available all year 'round. But if Trader Joe's could suck all the calories out of these cupcakes without ruining them, I'd snarf them down daily.

Roundup

This is my weekly compilation of news and other links about Trader Joe's.


Why nutritionists love these 17 Trader Joe's foods

The 10 best Trader Joe's snacks

The 10 best Trader Joe's cookies

Trader Joe's swears it's not selling that drug from "Riverdale"

9 Trader Joe's products that make great stocking stuffers

Discover Trader Joe's gingerbread products



Best tweets of the week:

#TraderJoes just pissed me off. How the hell can marshmallows ever go out of season? That’s fucking stupid. I hate you fuckers right now.

— TRASH pandA! (@dAmAgEeFFeCt) November 27, 2017

What I️ learned shopping at #TraderJoes on a Sunday - I️ cuss a lot in front of children in crowded places 😂 #whoops

— Molly Kathleen (@55DoubleRed) November 26, 2017

Going to #traderJoes with headphones on listening to my gym playlist (Mostly Skrillex) is terrifying. Employees running everywhere trying to assist people, a giant bell is ringing, some lady yelling like she needs 911 because the wine she likes is sold out.

— Michael Jones (@MrJonespdx) November 26, 2017

That feel when #TraderJoes is fully stocked with kale and it's not looking all wilted n'shit #KALEYEAH pic.twitter.com/f4EWDvgDgC

— Wellvyl (@wellvyl) November 27, 2017

I just ate four packs of #TraderJoes Roasted Teriyaki Seaweed snacks in one sitting and I don't know what to think of myself pic.twitter.com/RlQ6s6gBou

— KB (@digitalkara) November 30, 2017

#TraderJoes holiday goodies are going to be the death of me. Can I pronounce this German cookie? No. Will that keep me from devouring the whole sleeve? Also No. #lebkuchen #ateitwhole

— Victoria Lurie (@Vic_and_Twisted) December 1, 2017

I can tell from the first page that this is going to be very bad for my budget #TraderJoes pic.twitter.com/9g7yIOsiGJ

— Kim Grazulis (@kimgee29) December 1, 2017

I can barely put into words my love for #TraderJoes. Just had these mini cheese crepes with a lil jam and honey and I want to cry.

— Sarah (@iSarahMD) December 1, 2017

I have become that person who sits down with a nice cup of tea and reads the Trader Joe’s Fearless Flyer cover to cover. #TraderJoes

— Moxxxie (@missmoxxxie) December 1, 2017

And finally, here's this week's cute something with a Trader Joe's something:

@paisleyamazelydoodle loves #snacking with me! #goodtothelastlick #healthypup #traderjoes #okra #likeauntielikeniece @hkate911 @chiroabundant

A post shared by Dr. Jessica Mitchell,DC (@chiroabundant) on Sep 18, 2017 at 5:04pm PDT

Trader Joe's Winter Snowflake Pasta

In flavor, this is, predictably, just like any other dried wheat pasta. It takes a little longer to cook than thin strands, but that's a minor inconvenience. Somewhat surprisingly, there wasn't much damage to the shapes from being agitated and stirred in the pot of boiling water. I thought they might fall apart, but no.

It's unusually pretty on the plate, for not being a multi-colored beauty like this one or this one. The snowflakes also make convenient bite sizes.

But its greatest advantage over standard pasta shapes is that all the little holes and ridges are supremely good at holding on to pasta sauce. I like that. In fact, I usually go out of my way to buy "rigate" forms of pasta specifically because I like having more sauce cling to my pasta. This is absolutely the best pasta form I've ever encountered for this quality.


Will I buy it again? 

Yes. In fact, I liked it so much that I'm going to stock up on it while I can, then mourn the day that I use the last of it and have to wait until next winter to get more.