Trader Joe's Organic Coconut Smoothie

I tend to think of "smoothies" as containing blends of a bunch of different things. But here the ingredients are stripped down to the essence: Coconut water and coconut. Basically, they've pureed coconut meat with coconut water. It's like drinking a shelled coconut, without the work, and without bits of it getting stuck in your teeth.

As you can see, it was pinkish. It looked even more so in a glass. I don't know why, but it's apparently a sufficiently common phenomenon that the label alerts you to the possibility: "Some coconut smoothies may take on a rosy hue." Mine was more than "rosy"; it was about halfway to Pepto-Bismol. But it was just an oddity, didn't bother me.

I liked it. But given that I like coconut in just about any form, this was to be expected.


Will I buy it again? 

Yes, at least once in a while.

Trader Joe's Organic Tomato Mozzarella Piccolo (Little) Pizza

I was at Trader Joe's yesterday intending to get a Woodfired Sicilian Style Pizza. I didn't find any. Maybe that item has been discontinued. But while looking for it, I spotted this, which is apparently so new that there is nothing about it online, from Trader Joe's or from anybody else.

The box says it serves two, but I thought it looked a little small for that, so I bought two of them, since I was having Nina over for dinner. I was right. One of these would not have been enough for both of us. But two of them was too much; we both left about 1/3 uneaten. So they're an awkward size. The side of the box promises, "just the right size." This is mistaken.

Nina and I shared roughly the same general impression: The toppings are lovely, and the tomatoes in particular survived the freezing and reheating process surprisingly well. But the crust is too thick, dry, and bready.

For once, the bake time suggested on the package (10-12 minutes at 425 degrees; I used the full 12) worked just fine.

To add a little zip and protein, I had browned some thinly sliced Italian Sausage-less Sausage beforehand and added it to the top of the pizzas before putting them in the oven. This turned out very nicely, and I recommend such an enhancement if you're going to try this item.


Will I buy it again? 

Probably. But a thin-crust version would be better and an enthusiastic yes.

Trader Joe's Organic Spicy Taco Sauce

I have been making lots and lots of tacos since I discovered how much I like Trader Joe's Taco Seasoning Mix. I was skeptical that a taco sauce would improve on what I thought was the perfect formulation.

I was wrong. It makes my tacos even better.

The prescribed amount of taco seasoning mix is 1/2 packet per pound of ground beef. (I use Gardein's Beefless Ground.) For my first experiment, I used only half of that, in order to make the tacos deliberately bland. As such, the taco sauce definitely spiced things up. No surprise.

But then I tried it on the regular-strength filling--and to my surprise, even that was improved. I've come to agree with Nina's observation that it's primarily the acidic tang--presumably because of a heaping helping of vinegar--that hits the spot.

I have not yet tried it on a turbocharged batch, using the full packet of seasoning mix, but that will be the next challenge.

Incidental links: Trader Joe's introduction to the product is here. And here is a taste test trying to confirm or refute a Reddit rumor that the TJ's sauce is just repackaged Taco Bell taco sauce. They conclude that it is not, though I, too, noticed the similarity. It's probably just because both are so heavily vinegar-based.


Will I buy it again? 

Yes. It has earned a permanent spot on the condiment shelf in my refrigerator door.


Addendum 

I wrote this post about 3 hours ago, and just now learned that I wrote and posted it on NATIONAL TACO DAY!

https://www.usatoday.com/story/money/food/2019/10/03/free-tacos-and-deals-national-taco-day-national-vodka-day-friday/3838299002/

Trader Joe's Organic Fruit Flavored Snacks

These are just gummies, gussied up a bit with "organic" and "fruit juice" to give them a patina of healthfulness. I suppose if you must consume such a thing, this is as good a choice as any, but don't fool yourself into believing that it's anything but candy. Some of the flavors are distinctly what they purport to be; others you have to play a guessing game.


Will I buy it again? 

No.

Trader Joe's Organic Sparkling Apple Cider Drinking Vinegar--Cucumber & Mint

This is, obviously, the shelf-mate to the strawberry/basil version that Nina and I tried last week. We both liked this one better. It's cool and refreshing. I expected to like it less because cucumber isn't a favorite flavor. But it's mild and unobjectionable. The mint, too, is subdued, not shouting its presence. The vinegar component is even less pronounced than in the other variety.


Will I buy it again? 

Yes. I think it can be an occasional treat.

Trader Joe's Organic Sparkling Apple Cider Drinking Vinegar--Strawberry & Basil

I passed this by a couple of time because the very idea of "drinking vinegar" seemed like a big bowl of wrong. But I gathered my courage, bought it, and shared the bottle with Nina last night.

Upon unscrewing the cap, the distinctive smell of vinegar hit me immediately, and I was worried that drinking it would be more of the same. It wasn't--not at all. It's a peculiar but pleasantly surprising mismatch. It's mostly just like drinking ordinarily sparkling apple cider, though with more than the usual amount of vinegary sensation, more in the nose than on the tongue.

As for the strawberry and basil, I had to close my eyes with a swig of the cider in my mouth and go on a mental hunt for them. I found them that way, but I never would have noticed them if not for the words on the label.


Will I buy it again? 

No. But it's definitely worth having once.

Trader Joe's Organic Pita Chips with Sea Salt

These are unforgivably dull, lifeless, tasteless. The "touch" of salt is practically undetectable.

Nina's reaction was similar.

This product is a total fail, and after eating just a few, the rest of the bag is going back for a refund.


Will I buy it again? 

No.

Trader Joe's Organic No Joke Ginger Juice Shot

This is some serious, wake-you-up, kick-your-butt, take-no-prisoners peppery juice. Between the ginger, lemon juice, and cayenne pepper, it will burn your throat and clear your sinuses. I'm not sure I'd call this a pleasant experience, but it's definitely interesting. It makes the potent Triple Ginger Brew look like Kool-Aid in comparison.


Will I buy it again? 

No. It was far more memorable than the relatively tame turmeric version, but not something I need in my life--especially for $1.99 per shot. But do try it once, then get the t-shirt bragging that you survived it.

Trader Joe's Organic Mighty Turmeric Juice Shot

Wow. $1.99 for two ounces of "juice"--which is actually mostly coconut water. Plus two pieces of plastic added to the landfill, at a time when Trader Joe's says it's committed to reducing the amount of plastic packaging it uses.

It's hard to describe this accurately, because there's so little of it that it was hard to analyze before it was gone. But my overwhelming impression was of the turmeric and black pepper, not the coconut water or lemon juice.


Will I buy it again? 

Absolutely not. This strikes me as a very un-TJ's-like product: Expensive, pointless, and wasteful.

Trader Joe's Tomato Sauce

An ordinary, humble item, to be sure, but important to keep around for recipes. I've been buying it lately to use with TJ's Taco Seasoning Mix, and it's perfect. Plus, organic, in case you care about that sort of thing.


Will I buy it again? 

Yep. Because I like the taco mix so much, this has become a permanent pantry item for me.

Trader Joe's Organic Cold-Pressed Fruit Stand Juice Beverage

I anticipated liking this new juice. Fruit juice livened up with some salt and cayenne pepper sounded mighty tasty.

I was wrong. The cucumber component is way too strong, and clashes badly with the pineapple. The salt and cayenne pepper are basically MIA. The overall result is just weird and unpleasant.


Will I buy it again? 

No.

Trader Joe's Organic Carrots Of Many Colors--Cut & Peeled

Trader Joe's has a long-standing practice: they audition a product under the supplier's own brand name, then, if it sells well, it disappears briefly, then gets replaced with the same thing under TJ's own name. I strongly suspect that this item is the latest manifestation of that practice, having debuted under the "Cal-Organic Farms" label last year. See my review here. (For another example of this two-step, see here and here.)

These taste just fine, but they have the same problem as before: They're too skinny. Most of them are like the ones you can see in the lower left corner, with relatively few fat ones like in the upper corners. I like my baby carrots fat, for the sensory pleasure of biting into them.


Will I buy it again? 

No. I'll stick with the plain orange Organic Cut And Peeled.

Trader Joe's Organic Salty Squares

With this new release, Trader Joe's plugs a big hole in its cracker lineup: a classic saltine. But there are problems.

Let's start with the name. Salty SQUARES? Look at the photo below: Nabisco Premium saltine on the left, TJ's on the right. Do those look square to you?

They are not. They are distinctly rectangular. 45 x 38 mm, to be exact. And, as you can see, they're much smaller than the big national brands (Nabisco and Keebler Zesta). One of my favorite uses of saltines since I was a kid is folding a Kraft cheese single slice into quarters, and putting each quarter on top of a cracker; they fit perfectly. Not so much with the Trader Joe's.

The packaging is also an issue. They don't come stacked in sleeves as you would expect, based on how other saltines are sold. Inside the box is a plastic bag, loosely filled with the crackers. So, first, you get a lot fewer than you might guess from the volume of the box because they're a lot of wasted space in there. And, second, you get a lot of sad, broken ones because of jostling around against each other during transit.

On the plus side, they're salted just right for my taste and are nicely uniform in both saltiness and doneness--no abnormally dark or undercooked samples. The flavor is noticeably different from the name brands in a way that's hard to put into words, but readily apparent in a side-by-side comparison. I didn't like it any less, but it doesn't quite nail the expectation built up by a lifetime of eating the competitors.

I've gone through half a box, topping them with peanut butter and with different cheeses, and they work fine for both.


Will I buy it again? 

No. I don't like the smaller size, and the packaging means you get a lot fewer crackers for your money.

Trader Joe's Organic Dressing--Toasted Sesame

This isn't bad. I've gotten through more than half of the bottle, and there's no reason I won't eventually finish it. But it's not a favorite. It's just enough with the sesame already.


Will I buy it again? 

No.

Trader Joe's Organic Italian Artisan Pasta--Striped Garganelli

Look! They're cute little barber-pole pastas! But this site says that "garganelli" means "small esophagus." I can't imagine why Trader Joe's doesn't slap that right on the label.

Wikipedia says that garganelli are "a type of egg-based pasta formed by rolling a flat, square noodle into a cylindrical shape." If that's so, then these don't qualify, as they are not egg noodles, but just ordinary wheat-based pasta. (See Trader Joe's introduction to the product, including list of ingredients, here.) I checked a few other sites, and they all agreed that garganelli are supposed to be egg pasta.

The red striping is made from beet powder and beet juice. It's very attractive and eye-catching in the package, but it quickly disappears into the water upon cooking. Here's what you're left with when the cooked pasta is served:

So if you are thinking of buying this because it would be extra-pretty on your dinner table--don't. You're in for a disappointment. It seems pretty pointless to me to add to a food product a coloring that leaches out the minute you start cooking it.

You're also in for a long cooking time. The first reason is that these little cylinders are actually quite thick-walled. The second reason is that overlap where a corner is folded over, which creates an area of two layers of pasta. I found that when the main part of the garganelli were cooked, that area wasn't nearly done, so I had to leave them in the boiling water longer. When the double-thick section was finally done, the rest was over-cooked.

Just now I discovered that TJ's acknowledges this, but tries (deceptively, IMHO) to spin it as a virtue rather than a vice: "Part of what makes Garganelli such an appreciated pasta is the way the shape affects the cooking. When boiled for 14-15 minutes, the ends of the pasta will be soft, while the folded-over center will be perfectly al dente." I'm calling BS on that account of things, TJ's. Replace "soft" with "mushy and overdone," and you're closer to the truth. 

And the taste? Just like any other pasta, neither better nor worse. 


Will I buy it again? 

No. 

Trader Joe's Organic Chocolate Chip Cookies

These tiny cookies are indisputably cute, but that's about all they have going for them. Well, I suppose that in eating them you could boast that you're so pure that even your chocolate chip cookies are organic, but I don't know why anybody would care about that. They're lifeless, lacking in flavor, dry. They fail to satisfy my sweet tooth.


Will I buy it again? 

No.

Trader Joe's Organic Vanilla Wafer Cookies

Day 5 of Cookie Week.

I've eaten so many Nabisco Nilla Wafers in my life that they should have given me, like, 50% stock ownership in the company by now. This has given me a extremely entrenched idea of what a vanilla wafer should taste like. And Trader Joe's has missed the mark completely.

I can't put my finger on what's wrong here, but these struck me as not just "not quite what I was expecting" but positively distasteful. My reaction was so strong that I thought I might just be having an off day, so I put the bag aside for a couple of weeks. Last night I came back for a second try--and had exactly the same opinion. I seriously dislike them. I had two and couldn't stand the thought of a third.


Will I buy it again? 

No. This is one that's going back to the store for a refund.

Trader Joe's Organic Dark Chocolate PB&J Minis

I had a weird experience with these candies. I first tried them after dinner with Nina, and felt thoroughly meh about them. A week passed, and I ate the last three as part of a late-night snack alone, and quite liked them. I have some theories about these two different reactions, but they're all about my internal state of mind and have nothing to do with the product, so I'll spare you.

I've never cared for anything combining chocolate and peanut butter. And on first tasting, I thought, "Yep, more of that wrongness." But on second trial, I instead got a stronger sense of the raspberry filling, which oddly seemed to sort of buffer the clash between the chocolate and peanut butter--like The Dude's rug tying the room together in "The Big Lebowski." This completely surprised me.

Nina didn't like these. She thought the components weren't well-balanced, and the chocolate tasted cheap. She also noticed the strange portion numbers in the labeling: 3 pieces to a portion, 8 in the bag, contents "about 2 1/2" servings. So why not put 9 in the bag to make a whole number of servings? Well, Trader Joe's, what have you got to say for yourself on this excellent question?


Will I buy it again? 

No. Even on my more favorable second impression, they don't rise anywhere close to the level of favorite chocolates.

Trader Joe's Organic Elote Corn Chip Dippers

When I saw these bags on the new-products display at Trader Joe's, I couldn't understand why they were promoting one of their most stalwart old items as new. I had to look more closely to notice that these were not the usual Dippers.

I loves me my Dippers. You could send a SWAT team to break in and do a random surprise inspection of my kitchen any day, any time, and you'll always find at least one bag of them in my cupboard, and usually two or three so that I'm never at risk of running out of them. So of course it was an instant "yes" to try this new version. Heck, I love the original so much that I would have bought any new variation on them that TJ's cared to offer, short of "Super Onion Flavored Onion Corn Chip Dippers, Now With Extra Onion."

I confess that I had never heard of "elote" before. Relying on the first result in a Google search, I learn: "Elote corn is Mexican street corn roasted over an open grill and coated with salt, chile powder, butter, cotija, lime juice, and mayonnaise or crema fresca." That sounds delicious!

Compare that with the seasonings added to these new TJ's chips: maltodextrin, sugar, salt, chipotle peppers, nonfat dry milk, lowfat buttermilk, "spice," corn flour, "natural flavor," citric acid, sunflower oil, habanero pepper powder, "natural smoke flavor," turmeric extract, and "trace of lime."

I'd say those lists are only vaguely similar.

So how do they taste? Not so great, if you ask me--and nothing like what my brain conjures up from the quoted description of elote. There's definitely some mild heat from the peppers (though this is quite variable from one chip to another, I found). Then there's a fairly complex mix of other tastes that I can't put my finger on--presumably the sum of the turmeric, "smoke" and other unspecified "flavors."

This is one of those times when I can't explain exactly what I don't like--but I don't like. Maybe it's the turmeric, which I haven't liked in any of the TJ's products in which it has appeared.

Nina and I were eating them with the last of my stockpiled jars of Fall Harvest Salsa. I objected to the chips clashing with and even dominating the lovely flavors of the mild salsa. Nina, conversely, thought it was a fabulous combo. In fact, after a dozen or so salsa-laden chips, she declared these to be her favorite corn chips of all time. This is not the kind of announcement she drops casually or thoughtlessly.

So you've got a very, very mixed review here.


Will I buy it again? 

No. Well, not unless I accidentally grab the wrong bag, once these migrate to the regular snack shelf of the store.

Trader Joe's Organic Buffalo Style Hummus

This was OK, but I thought it was (1) too hot, (2) hot without being especially flavorful, and (3) a little too mushy/soupy for my taste. Nina disagreed; she liked this a lot. I should also note that if you read the list of ingredients, you'll find that it contains no actual buffaloes.

IMHO, the platonic ideal of hot hummus is the hot chipotle variety from Asheville-based Roots. It is superior to this TJ's one in every way.


Will I buy it again? 

No.