Friday, February 26, 2016

Trader Joe's Dried Baby Bananas



Yesterday I interrupted our impromptu series of reviews of new products to present the comparison test of Trader Joe's three different kinds of dried bananas. I pushed up the publication of that piece in anticipation of today's review of the fourth TJ's dried-banana product, which has just hit the shelves for a mere $1.99.

Without really giving it much thought, I imagined that what was inside would be tiny, yellow banana slices--pretty much like the freeze-dried ones discussed yesterday, only smaller.

Boy, was I wrong.

When you open the bag, this is what you get:



They look like something I sifted out of my cat's litter box. They're sticky and glommed together as shown. It might be the single most unappealing-looking foodstuff I have ever purchased from Trader Joe's. Nina said they looked like mummified fingers. She is not wrong. For the first time since we've been doing this blog, she refused to even taste them, based solely on the disgusting appearance.

But looks can be deceiving, right? Don't judge a book by its sticky, turd-like cover, right?

So after taking a moment to steel myself for the horror of biting into King Tut's severed digits, I took a bite. More than one, in fact. I actually choked down three of these little monstrosities. Oh, the things I do for you people!

They do taste like bananas, though sweeter than your average one. But the texture is just revolting: Dense, chewy, sticky, oily. I really thought at first that they must be fried, but the list of ingredients shows nothing but dried bananas--no oil--so I guess the oiliness is what the fruit naturally produces when you dehydrate the life out of it.

This is just an unbelievably bad product. I literally cannot imagine what kind of person would choose this over any of the three dried-banana-chip items you could pick up from TJ's instead of this. (Donald Trump voters, maybe?)

I put the rest of them back in the bag, and will be returning them to the store for a refund. I think I should ask for, like, triple my money back as compensation for having to ingest these nuggets of nastiness.

Dried Baby Bananas, I banish you to my Bottom Ten list.


Will I buy it again? 

Away with your foolish question.


Nina's View

I did not refuse to taste them because of their appearance, which is indeed horrific. I refused to taste them because of the hideous odor that wafted out of the bag the moment Bob opened it. A pungent, powerful reeking smell, as of banana-scented kerosene.

Je ne regrette rien. My tastebuds remain unbesmirched. 


Sometimes you just have to say no and mean it.

19 comments:

  1. I'm sorry, but what do these have to do with the vacuum fried banana chips I miss? You obviously didn't have those before they got discontinued =P

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  2. No I didn't.

    You said you hated all other dried bananas. My "wait until tomorrow" just meant, "Here's something else for you to hate."

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    1. Ah, I get it ;-) I'm going to splurge on some vacuum fried fruits (including bananas) on Amazon some day soon...

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  3. What the what..?!?! There's no warning i can see that they are whole dehydrated bananas inside- and good lord those do have an uncanny resemblance to kitty poo.
    I like to think i am open minded but I think nina made the best decision here. Impressed you managed multiple bites!
    Ttrockwood

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  4. I love these! They taste like banana bread!

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    1. I agree they are really good.I tried a bag and the next time I
      went back I bought another one.

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    2. I agree, these are delicious. Your review makes you sound like a five year old. Oh wait, no my five year old is more grown up than you, he loves these tasty treats as well. They do taste exactly like banana bread.

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  5. Ditto this. I got samples at TJ's and grabbed a bag almost immediately. The texture didn't bother me, either. It's sort of like a healthier gummy bear that tastes like banana bread, and I am obsessed with them. (Also not a Trump fan!)

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  6. Also love these. I never had an odor. Great taste and texture. I love reviews from people who base the review on sight. Thank goodness you dont do tomato sauce because it looks like blood

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  7. These are awesome! Accurate comparison to banana bread.

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  8. These dried bananas are great. My blood sugar will spike thru the fkng roof......but who gives a lump of homeless person sht.

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    1. Are you this charming in real life, too?

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  9. I think they're great.

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  10. These are actually quite good and provide a healthy dose of potassium. Whole Paycheck has a similar product that costs about $5 for half as much. In both cases, the product does not look appealing, but they taste good and are nutritious. Donald Drumpf might reject a food only because it does not look that great!

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  11. They were so good, now TJ's is out of stock. Please let me know if you see it on the shelves in your store in San Diego.

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  12. These are yummy and are similar to a treat I ate as a child in Brazil. I buy 3 bags at a time when I'm at Trader Joe's.

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  13. Outrageous and preposterous! They're delicious. Little banana candies; great for dipping in peanut butter, nutella, marshmallow fluff... The mummified finger appearance description is spot on though.

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  14. I'm glad you hate them. More for me! I bought six bags earlier this week, which made the clerk laugh, but I never know when things are going to disappear from TJ's. I hid three bags waaaaay in the back of my pantry shelves.

    By the way, dip these little suckers in melted dark chocolate - I'm talking 70% cacao minimum - and let them set up on a piece of wax or parchment paper. AMAZING. The bitterness of the chocolate balances the intense sweetness of the bananas. I'm not even really a big chocolate person and it absolutely kills me to limit myself to three.

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  15. I totally enjoyed these and will definitely buy these again! Banana bread or muffin is super comparison. Great idea on dipping in chocolate! And to think I don't care of the true banana once peeled, but totally love these!

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