Yesterday I interrupted our impromptu series of reviews of new products to present the comparison test of Trader Joe's three different kinds of dried bananas. I pushed up the publication of that piece in anticipation of today's review of the fourth TJ's dried-banana product, which has just hit the shelves for a mere $1.99.
Without really giving it much thought, I imagined that what was inside would be tiny, yellow banana slices--pretty much like the freeze-dried ones discussed yesterday, only smaller.
Boy, was I wrong.
When you open the bag, this is what you get:
They look like something I sifted out of my cat's litter box. They're sticky and glommed together as shown. It might be the single most unappealing-looking foodstuff I have ever purchased from Trader Joe's. Nina said they looked like mummified fingers. She is not wrong. For the first time since we've been doing this blog, she refused to even taste them, based solely on the disgusting appearance.
But looks can be deceiving, right? Don't judge a book by its sticky, turd-like cover, right?
So after taking a moment to steel myself for the horror of biting into King Tut's severed digits, I took a bite. More than one, in fact. I actually choked down three of these little monstrosities. Oh, the things I do for you people!
They do taste like bananas, though sweeter than your average one. But the texture is just revolting: Dense, chewy, sticky, oily. I really thought at first that they must be fried, but the list of ingredients shows nothing but dried bananas--no oil--so I guess the oiliness is what the fruit naturally produces when you dehydrate the life out of it.
This is just an unbelievably bad product. I literally cannot imagine what kind of person would choose this over any of the three dried-banana-chip items you could pick up from TJ's instead of this. (Donald Trump voters, maybe?)
I put the rest of them back in the bag, and will be returning them to the store for a refund. I think I should ask for, like, triple my money back as compensation for having to ingest these nuggets of nastiness.
Dried Baby Bananas, I banish you to my Bottom Ten list.
Will I buy it again?
Away with your foolish question.
I did not refuse to taste them because of their appearance, which is indeed horrific. I refused to taste them because of the hideous odor that wafted out of the bag the moment Bob opened it. A pungent, powerful reeking smell, as of banana-scented kerosene.
Je ne regrette rien. My tastebuds remain unbesmirched.
Sometimes you just have to say no and mean it.