Thursday, June 23, 2016

Trader Joe's Organic Brown Rice Marshmallow Treats

Let's not beat around the bush. These things are vile, unholy perversions of one of the best treats ever concocted. You know those always-disappointing factory-made Rice Krispie treats that Kellogg's sells in foil packets? I would rather eat ten of those than one more of these.

I actually powered through two of these bars (well, almost two; I just couldn't bear to quite finish the second one) trying to pin down just was was so repulsive about them, but failed. There's a weird flavor that I've never encountered before. I'm guessing that it's the "brown rice syrup" they use to make the "organic marshmallow" component.

It's not hard to find similar opinions elsewhere on the intertubes:

The Gluten-Free Gluttony blog (showing that the nastiness dates back to at least 2009):
I had to find out if it tasted like those treats I once loved so much. I bit in expecting ecstasy and all I got was a nastiness with a kicking after taste. Yuck. I was not feeling nostalgic one bit. Maybe that smell was a warning?

The Candy and Chocolate Lover blog
Greasy. Yucky.Well, caveat emptor as usual.Cut out the midpoint-man - just eat your money. At least there's a modest fiber in there. Or I suppose you could eat the box, it's going to taste best.

The Jessielah blog
The box reads: Kids and adults of all ages will like the crispy, chewy, creamy taste of these traditional treats made the healthy way! That. Is a lie. I gave a piece to Jaxon and he threw it down like a hot turd. Even this girl thought they were so gross she felt the need to blog about it. Crispy and creamy? How can you be crispy and creamy? You can’t. That’s called S-T-A-L-E. I didn’t know how these rice crispy treats failed so badly. It’s rice, marshmallow, butter, and some cold. I checked the ingredients. Oh. Vegan. Gluten-free. Crap. And what the hell is vegetable glycerin and why is it in my treats?!? Sigh. I seriously considered returning these to Trader Joe’s to demand my $2.99 and my taste buds back, but the dog got into them and puked them up all over the house. My life is fabulous.

To be fair, I also found three people saying that they liked them, or at least that they weren't as bad as they had heard. But those weren't nearly as amusing. Plus, if they like these things, they're demented, so their opinions don't count. 

I would not have thought it possible for the store I love so much to despoil rice krispie treats so badly that the result would end up on my Bottom Ten list. But that's just what they have done. 

Will I buy it again? 

Perish the thought. 


  1. We'll mark you down as a "Maybe".

  2. Good lord, I didn't realize those were even still on shelves! I use brown rice syrup as a sweetner and it's fine, maybe the puffed brown rice is what's so terrible? Whatever, just get your money back!