Trader Joe's Crispy Crunchy Broccoli Florets

No.

No.

Just no.

This is the worst thing from Trader Joe's I have ever put into my mouth. It's worse than the gluten-free Joe-Joe's. Worse than the Veggie Chips Potato Snacks. As God is my witness, it's even worse than the freeze-dried raspberries.

Two of the other TJ's review blogs out there both thought these things were quite tasty; see here and here. If you see these bloggers, give them a wide berth, as I suspect they may be dangerously unhinged.

I ate one of these, and that was the end of the test for me. Back to the store for a refund for the rest.

Nina choked down two, and somehow did not die.

I had a hard time swallowing my piece, for two reasons. First, the stuff sucked every bit of saliva out of my mouth, like some demonic hygroscopic gel. Second, Nina and I were laughing so hard at how unthinkably horrible the stuff was that I lost control of my facial muscles. The basic thought I was having was, "Nobody could possibly have decided to package and sell something this vile--BUT THEY DID!"

I banish this to my Bottom Ten list (which, like its opposite counterpart, is not limited to ten items).


Will I buy it again? 

I was about to say, "When hell freezes over." But then it occurred to me that hell probably did get frozen over--freeze-dried, to be exact, and that's what's in this bag: little chunks of freeze-dried hell.

Nina's View

Dried sawdust with sulfurous overtones, which turns to vile green cow-cud in the mouth. 

Do not eat this. It is disgusting. It's so bad, it's literally almost unbelievable. Serve it to your enemies, and laugh as they gag and choke.