Trader Joe's Organic Savory Vegan Gravy

What do you get when you combine water, onions, tamari soy sauce, coconut milk, and starch? If you ask Trader Joe's, the answer is "Savory Vegan Gravy." If you ask me, the answer is "Weird glop that looks like gravy but doesn't taste like it."

Of course, there's a lot more in there than those five ingredients, but they head the list. I suspect the it was something in the combination of onions and tamari that threw the whole thing off for me. I found it actually unpleasant to eat. Nina thought it was unexciting, but fine.


Will I buy it again? 


via GIPHY

Trader Joe's Spiced Pumpkin Madeleine Cookies

These are very soft cookies--to the point that they stick together. There is some actual pumpkin in the recipe, in the form of "pumpkin flakes," but you'll be hard-pressed to detect it. The flavor is dominated by the standard blend of "pumpkin spice": nutmeg, allspice, cinnamon, and clove. It's pleasant enough, but all just boring and predictable.


Will I buy it again? 

No.

Trader Joe's Pumpkin Bisque

The first taste impression you get from this soup is sweetness. It is, in fact, the sweetest soup of any kind I've ever tasted. There's no added sugar, but honey is the third ingredient, after pumpkin puree and water. I actually enjoyed eating it, but with every spoonful, the sweetness consciously registered as out of place and excessive.

Note the genuine Mason jar used as a container. Nice touch.


Will I buy it again? 

No.

Trader Joe's Autumnal Harvest Soup

I bought this in October, during the relatively brief time that it was available, but didn't get around to trying it until two weeks ago.

I liked it more than I anticipated, seeing as I'm almost never thrilled with pumpkin/squash stuff. But it's much more tomato and carrot than pumpkin and squash. It's thick, creamy, chunky, and slightly sweet.


Will I buy it again? 

Maybe next year, if they bring it back. It was a nice side dish for a dinner with Nina, and she liked it even more than I did.

Trader Joe's Cranberry Persimmon Relish

This is Trader Joe's newest version of cranberry sauce, so of course I had to try it for Thanksgiving.

I liked it, didn't love it. It's overly sweetened, so the tartness from the cranberries is completely overwhelmed. I couldn't detect any persimmon flavor, but the orange definitely comes through, as does the distinctive taste of the cloves.


Will I buy it again? 

No. It's a mildly interesting variation on the traditional theme, but I much prefer TJ's famous Fresh Cranberry Sauce.

Trader Joe's Candy Corn Popcorn

Think of caramel corn, but with the sweet coating tasting vaguely of candy corn instead of caramel. That's what you've got here. I don't think it works well. It's just too weird. But Nina said she liked it better than standard caramel corn, so your mileage may vary.


Will I buy it again? 

No. I would instead choose TJ's most excellent caramel popcorn over this 100% of the time.

Trader Joe's Pumpkin Butternut Squash Bisque

Not a winner. It's pretty thick, basically just a slightly watered-down puree of pumpkin and squash, with some peppers and other spices thrown in, plus some sweetness, presumably from the honey they've added. I ate my half with dinner last night, but I wasn't thrilled about it. Nina ate only a few spoonfuls of her half before rejecting the rest. No specific criticisms--just didn't like it.


Will I buy it again? 

No.

Trader Joe's Autumnal Harvest Alfredo Sauce

Frankly, I thought this product sounded like a terrible idea. Ruin perfectly good Alfredo sauce with pumpkin and squash? Preposterous. On the other hand, I had previously thought the same thing about salsa and marinara, and was dead wrong both times; they ended up with Top Ten rankings.

I was wrong again. I loved this. The pumpkin/squash actually blends with and complements the cheesy sauce very nicely.

Nina was less excited. She thought it was too thick and "gloppy." She's not entirely wrong about that; it would be nicer if it flowed and spread more readily.

But it was such a nice break from marinaras, and such a surprise win, that I'm willing to overlook that flaw.

So maybe I shouldn't pre-judge so much next time?


Will I buy it again? 

Yes, at least once more this season while it's still around.

Trader Joe's Harvest Chili

From looking at the ingredients list, I thought this seemed like a bad idea--too much squash/cauliflower/pumpkin/sweet potato, and not enough traditional chili ingredients. Upon actually eating it, that concern was confirmed. But I found that an even bigger problem could be stated as "too many onions, not enough tomato." I didn't hate it, but I sure wouldn't have called it "chili" if I had tasted it without benefit of seeing the label. "Spicy vegetable soup," maybe.


Will I buy it again? 

No. Give me soy chorizo chili over this anytime.

Trader Joe's Glimmering Pumpkins Sugar Coated Sugar Cookies

Nice to look at. Not so nice to eat. Except for the sugar sprinkled on top, these are the most sugarless sugar cookies I've ever had. They taste like unbaked flour. Ick.


Will I buy it again? 

No. I powered my way through two of them, but the rest are going back to the store for a refund.

Trader Joe's Mini Hold The Cone! Ice Cream Cones--Pumpkin Ginger

This is a new and presumably seasonal item. It's the same form factor as the vanilla ones I tried a few months ago.

These didn't have the physical problem of the cone texture that those did--probably because they weren't subjected to the freezer problems that that box faced.

The pumpkin-ginger ice cream is very nice. I wasn't as pleased with the "confectionery coating," but I suppose it's a necessity to keep a bunch of these things neat and tidy in a box. Uncovered ice cream would get messy.


Will I buy it again? 

No. Nice to try once, but that's enough.

Trader Joe's Butternut Squash Mac & Cheese

We have a split decision on this.

I didn't care for it much. I did like the unusually shaped pasta, but I thought the flavor was too heavily influenced by the squash, which isn't my favorite thing.

Nina, though, loved it. She thought the squash flavor was mild and a nice accent to plain pasta.

The package claims that this serves two. That's a stretch. I think I could have eaten the whole thing by myself.


Will I buy it again? 

No.

Trader Joe's Pumpkin & Roasted Pepitas Cookies

My first impression was that these looked and tasted like molasses cookies--but the label tells me that there's no molasses in them. I guess it was the brown sugar and spice combination that suggested that. Anyway, if you imagine crispy molasses cookies with pumpkin seeds, that's basically what you've got here.

I can't get enthusiastic about them. For one thing, the name is deceptive; there's no pumpkin in addition to the pumpkin seeds (pepitas). I can only assume that they mean "pumpkin spice," meaning that combination of cinnamon, clove, nutmeg, and allspice that pops up everywhere this time of year.

For another, they're too brittle. Most of the bag was small broken pieces, with just a handful of intact cookies.

And I guess I'm just not convinced that pumpkin seeds are a worthwhile addition to any cookies.


Will I buy it again? 

No.

Trader Joe's Nantucket Style Cranberry Pie

I bought this for Thanksgiving. I don't know if it will stay on sale through Christmas, or maybe it's even intended to be a non-seasonal item. For some unfathomable reason, Trader Joe's does not notify me about these matters.

I mostly liked this: Nice cranberry flavor, not disgustingly sweet, good crust. Super easy to prepare--just leave it on the counter to thaw, no cooking required.

The main thing I didn't like was the chunks of walnut in the crust. I'm sure many people--most, even--will find that to be a lovely touch, but I just don't care much for walnuts, so I judged this a fairly significant demerit.


Will I buy it again? 

No.

Trader Joe's Carrot Souffle

I liked the carrot flavor, the mild added autumnal spices, and the texture. But they put in way too much sugar. The description on the front says "sweet carrots," but they don't mean "naturally sweet carrots"; they mean "sweetened carrots." And that difference kind of ruins the whole thing. With my first bite, the messages of "carrot" and "sugar" from my tongue were about equally fast and strong, which is not how it should be.

I ate all of it over the course of several days, but with every serving I thought about how much better it could have been with some restraint in the sweetening.


Will I buy it again? 

No.

Trader Joe's Fresh Cranberry Sauce

I wanted to buy this last year, but the store had run out by the time I was looking. I was stuck instead with their cranberry sauce in a jar--which I thought was pretty good.

This year I nabbed the fresh version, and it's even better. It contains actual whole cranberries--what a concept! It manages to retain their native flavor, with enough sweetening to counteract the natural tartness, but without being overwhelming.


Will I buy it again? 

Yes. I'd like some every holiday season, please.

Trader Joe's Cold Pressed Juice--Cranberry Fest

And yet MORE new products! 


I'm filing an angry complaint with Trader Joe's: They sold me this empty bottle for $4.99! I thought the juice was just perfectly clear, like water, and super-lightweight. But no--there's nothing in it!

OK, that's not really true. I just forgot to take a photo before drinking it. When I sat down to write this review and found no picture, I fished the empty bottle from the recycling bin to take the only picture I then could. So just imagine that bottle filled with a pleasing, vibrant red liquid.

This is among the best of TJ's "cold-pressed juice" line, along with the Yellow and the Cantaloupe. It might be the best cranberry juice blend I've ever had. I liked it so much that it's even under consideration for Top Ten status, but I'm holding off for now, as I've had just half of this one small bottle. (Nina had the other half.) I'll want to wait a bit, then try it a second time before I decide that.

Ingredients: Cranberry juice, apple juice, orange juice, beet juice, ginger juice. It's kind of an unusual combination, but it works. It has enough tartness that the main-feature cranberry tastes real and natural, but not so much as to make it difficult to drink, as in straight cranberry juice. But at the same time, it's not overly sweetened, the way most cranberry blends tend to be. It's the rare Goldilocksian "just right." Truly excellent.

I'm guessing from the "fest" part of the name that this is destined to be a seasonal item, but TJ's would be fully justified in making it a regular, non-seasonal, permanent part of its juice line-up. I hope they do.


Will I buy it again? 

Definitely. However, the exorbitant cost for all the items in this product line is always going to be a limiting factor, putting them into the "rare treat" category rather than "buy frequently" category.


Addendum: 

I've had a second bottle now, and loved it just as much. Welcome to my Top Ten list, o wonderful cranberry juice!

Trader Joe's Ghosts & Bats Crispy Potato Snacks

We're into a second New Products Week here. 


I'm sure these would be cute for small children or for Halloween parties. But they are not a serious snack for grown-ups.

These are, in essence, Pringles, except cut into the shape of ghosts and bats, and with a lot less salt. Pringles have the correct amount of salt; these have way too little, sometimes tasting like almost none.

I used them for scooping up some very hot salsa. In that role, they functioned adequately; since any chip or cracker was going to be overwhelmed by the salsa, it might as well be something with almost no flavor to begin with. But to enjoy on their own? No way.


Will I buy it again? 

No.

Trader Joe's Cold Pressed Juice--Pumpkin Harvest

We continue with New Products Week, even though the week is over, because there are more new things to report on. 


Pumpkin juice? PUMPKIN JUICE? Are you freaking kidding me? That doesn't sound good. But I've been pleasantly surprised by some of Trader Joe's offbeat product ideas in the past, so I picked it up.

I wish I hadn't. It's vile. It tastes almost medicinal. Or maybe that's just some rationalizing part of my brain at work, with the message that if it tastes this bad, it must be good for you. It's got pumpkin juice, carrot juice, celery juice, sweet potato juice, orange juice, ginger juice, and turmeric, so it certainly seems like it ought to cure whatever ails you. But it brings to my mind Jim Gaffigan's comment about kale: "They could find out kale cures cancer, and I would still be like, 'I'll just do the chemo.'"


Will I buy it again? 

Negatory.

Trader Joe's Pumpkin Spice Caramel Corn

This is Day Seven of New Products Week. 


I didn't buy this, because I thought I wouldn't like it. Nina was convinced that I would like it, so after eating a whole bag on her own, she bought a second one to share with me. Her radar about what I'll like or dislike is pretty accurate, so I gave it a try.

It wasn't as bad as I had imagined. I guess I'd call it modestly pleasant. I don't like walnuts (which is one of the main reasons I didn't buy this myself), but I just left those for Nina. The pumpkin seeds are basically ignorable; they seem neither to add nor detract. The pumpkin-spice flavoring to the caramel coating was OK, but I still prefer TJ's regular caramel corn, one of the original members of my Top Ten list.


Will I buy it again? 

No.