Trader Joe's Spinach & Chive Linguine Pasta

I bought this even though the second ingredient, after wheat flour, is onions--which I hate. And you can definitely taste them. I could not specifically identify by taste either of the titular ingredients, spinach and chives. But after adding Sausage-less Sausage and Autumnal Harvest Creamy Pasta Sauce, any flavor from the pasta itself basically faded into the background.

It seemed to cook up faster than regular pasta, though not nearly as fast as the package predicts (2-4 minutes).


Will I buy it again? 

No. I see no advantage over plain pasta.

Trader Joe's Cheese Tortellini

I served these topped with the wonderful Autumnal Harvest Creamy Pasta Sauce, and was thinking how good they were, when it dawned on me that maybe the only thing I was tasting and/or liking was the sauce. So I ate a couple of the pasta pieces with no sauce--and nothing. They're just totally bland and lifeless. I could barely even taste any cheese inside. So my fears were confirmed. These are exactly as good or bad as what you put with them, because by themselves they're practically tasteless.


Will I buy it again? 

via GIPHY

Trader Joe's Linguine With Pesto & Tomatoes

I used the microwave heating method: 7 minutes, with a stir in the middle. Super easy, and came out just right. I separately browned some fake Italian sausage and added it just before serving. I recommend this embellishment.

It was much, much skimpier on tomatoes than the package depicts, and would be improved if the product actually matched the photo.

It was perfectly fine. I'm just not a big fan of pesto for pasta. I want my sauce.

Nina liked it more than I did, calling it "very tasty." She said it's something she might keep in the freezer for those occasions when one is feeling both hungry and lazy.


Will I buy it again? 

No. But if I see it on my plate at a dinner at Nina's, I will be neither surprised nor disappointed.

Trader Joe's Organic Tomato Mozzarella Piccolo (Little) Pizza

I was at Trader Joe's yesterday intending to get a Woodfired Sicilian Style Pizza. I didn't find any. Maybe that item has been discontinued. But while looking for it, I spotted this, which is apparently so new that there is nothing about it online, from Trader Joe's or from anybody else.

The box says it serves two, but I thought it looked a little small for that, so I bought two of them, since I was having Nina over for dinner. I was right. One of these would not have been enough for both of us. But two of them was too much; we both left about 1/3 uneaten. So they're an awkward size. The side of the box promises, "just the right size." This is mistaken.

Nina and I shared roughly the same general impression: The toppings are lovely, and the tomatoes in particular survived the freezing and reheating process surprisingly well. But the crust is too thick, dry, and bready.

For once, the bake time suggested on the package (10-12 minutes at 425 degrees; I used the full 12) worked just fine.

To add a little zip and protein, I had browned some thinly sliced Italian Sausage-less Sausage beforehand and added it to the top of the pizzas before putting them in the oven. This turned out very nicely, and I recommend such an enhancement if you're going to try this item.


Will I buy it again? 

Probably. But a thin-crust version would be better and an enthusiastic yes.

Trader Joe's Organic Italian Artisan Pasta--Striped Garganelli

Look! They're cute little barber-pole pastas! But this site says that "garganelli" means "small esophagus." I can't imagine why Trader Joe's doesn't slap that right on the label.

Wikipedia says that garganelli are "a type of egg-based pasta formed by rolling a flat, square noodle into a cylindrical shape." If that's so, then these don't qualify, as they are not egg noodles, but just ordinary wheat-based pasta. (See Trader Joe's introduction to the product, including list of ingredients, here.) I checked a few other sites, and they all agreed that garganelli are supposed to be egg pasta.

The red striping is made from beet powder and beet juice. It's very attractive and eye-catching in the package, but it quickly disappears into the water upon cooking. Here's what you're left with when the cooked pasta is served:

So if you are thinking of buying this because it would be extra-pretty on your dinner table--don't. You're in for a disappointment. It seems pretty pointless to me to add to a food product a coloring that leaches out the minute you start cooking it.

You're also in for a long cooking time. The first reason is that these little cylinders are actually quite thick-walled. The second reason is that overlap where a corner is folded over, which creates an area of two layers of pasta. I found that when the main part of the garganelli were cooked, that area wasn't nearly done, so I had to leave them in the boiling water longer. When the double-thick section was finally done, the rest was over-cooked.

Just now I discovered that TJ's acknowledges this, but tries (deceptively, IMHO) to spin it as a virtue rather than a vice: "Part of what makes Garganelli such an appreciated pasta is the way the shape affects the cooking. When boiled for 14-15 minutes, the ends of the pasta will be soft, while the folded-over center will be perfectly al dente." I'm calling BS on that account of things, TJ's. Replace "soft" with "mushy and overdone," and you're closer to the truth. 

And the taste? Just like any other pasta, neither better nor worse. 


Will I buy it again? 

No. 

Trader Joe's Outside-In Stuffed Gnocchi

Nina found this and cooked it up for our dinner last night. Sorry for the dodgy pictures; she forgot to give me a chance to photograph the package before ripping it open.

This is a new product. TJ's introduction to it is here.

The basic idea is gnocchi filled with the two things that you might most commonly put on top of them: pasta sauce and cheese. It's a great idea. As soon as I saw the wrapper, I thought I was going to love them. Nope. I found them disappointingly bland. Unremarkable gnocchi shells with a vague smear of tomato and cheese inside. Dull as all get-out. I think they should make the sauce zestier, like TJ's own arrabiata sauce. Anything with a little more zing to it. And more cheese.

So: Excellent concept, poor execution.

Nina, conversely, didn't have a lot of hope for them, but felt pleasantly surprised. Go figure.


Will I buy it again? 

No.

Trader Joe's 3 Cheese Vegetable Ravioli

Trader Joe's just keeps churning out new variations on a familiar theme. This time, they've stuck mushrooms, Swiss chard, kale, and three Italian cheeses inside the ravioli.

There were 12 pieces in the plastic container. One of them tore open partially during cooking, as I tried to separate two that were stuck together, but it didn't spill out all of its contents as I've seen happen before.

The texture was fine, as always. The contents left something to be desired, though. I tasted almost nothing but cheese. Now, for me this is kind of a good thing, because I tolerate but do not love mushrooms. For Nina, though, it was a letdown. She wondered what's the point of featuring mushrooms if they're not going to be prominent and really wonderful. And, she added, kale does not belong in ravioli. This is a scientific fact.


Will I buy it again? 

No. I'd stick with this one, or this one, or this one.

Trader Joe's Marinara Sauce Made With Crushed Tomatoes, Garlic & Basil

I thought this was above average in flavor, with a nice acidic bite to the tomato sauce, the way I like. But I wasn't keen on how easily it separated, leaving chunks on top of the pasta, and watery runoff underneath. I also just generally prefer more thoroughly pureed spaghetti sauce over chunky ones like this.

Nina paid it the ultimate compliment in saying that it was very much like she would make for herself--simple and with few ingredients. But that would also prevent her from buying it, because she would just, y'know, make it herself.


Will I buy it again? 

No.

Trader Joe's Alfredo Pasta Sauce

When I saw this among the pasta sauces on a recent TJ's run, I thought it must be a new product, because I surely would have noticed it before now. But no--a little Googling reveals that it's been around at least since 2011. I don't know how I overlooked it for so long.

For coming in a jar, it's a very good Alfredo sauce. Nice, mild flavor. Perhaps a tad thicker than would be optimal, but that's not a fatal flaw. Not quite up to what one can get in a good restaurant, but how could it be? Though I admit that I haven't tried a lot of them, I'd venture a guess that this is about as good as heat-and-serve Alfredo sauce can be.


Will I buy it again? 

Yes. It won't replace marinaras as my go-to pasta sauces, but I think it will be nice as an occasional change of pace.

Trader Joe's Chocolate Chunk Cantuccini Mini Italian Biscotti Cookies

I found these to be excessively hard and dry, with a flavor rather like mixing together unbaked flour and sugar. I ate two, to be sure the first one wasn't a fluke, and the second was just as bad. Nina had one, and declared that to be enough. She tried dunking it in some nice tea, and even that didn't save it.

The rest of the bag is going back to the store for a refund. Serious fail of a product.


Will I buy it again? 

No.

Trader Joe's Cauliflower Gnocchi

This is one of those occasional Trader Joe's products that I see people on social media get excited about a dozen or more times in the first few days, before I've even had a chance to get to the store. There are also several food-related click-bait web sites that keep up a steady output of Trader Joe's posts ("The [insert number] best [insert type of food] items at Trader Joe's"), and every one of them put up something about the new cauliflower gnocchi within the first week, all with their usual breathless "OMG!" rhetoric.

So how is it really? Well, it's hard to say--because I messed up the preparation.

See those "Pan saute" directions below?

Well, I was following them. But I had a brain fart, and stopped reading after the "about 6 to 8 minutes." Somehow I had mentally put, "And then you're done!" at the end of that first sentence. So they ended up hot but not really cooked right. And they were too sticky. All my fault. I did think it was strange that they weren't browned at all, and they were still kinda gloppy and sticking together, but those misgivings were not enough to prompt me to look at the directions again.

But they tasted decent--just the very mild cauliflower flavor that you'd expect. The only other ingredients are cassava flour, potato starch, olive oil, and salt. So they taste like cauliflower because that's all they can taste like.


Will I buy it again? 

Well, I have to, in order to do the cooking right and report back in an addendum to this post. After that, though, I'm already pretty sure it will be a no. On the rare occasions that I feel like having gnocchi, I would just use the standard potato version. I ain't afraid of no carbs.


Addendum, 1/15/20: 

Apparently the texture is not good even if you follow the directions exactly. There are now a bunch of articles telling you better ways to cook these than the manufacturer came up with. For your convenience, I've assembled them:

https://iowagirleats.com/2019/01/08/3-ways-to-cook-trader-joes-frozen-cauliflower-gnocchi/

https://lexiscleankitchen.com/trader-joes-cauliflower-gnocchi/

https://www.wellandgood.com/good-food/cauliflower-gnocchi-how-to-cook/

https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/trader-joes-cauliflower-gnocchi-recipes

https://www.womenshealthmag.com/food/g26966736/trader-joes-cauliflower-gnocchi/

https://www.wellandgood.com/good-food/cauliflower-gnocchi-recipes/

https://www.popsugar.com/fitness/Trader-Joe-Cauliflower-Gnocchi-Recipes-44997012?stream_view=1

Trader Joe's Asparagus Risotto

The big win here is that I did not hate it, as I do most things containing asparagus. In fact, I found it rather pleasant in both flavor and texture. And it takes no work at all to prepare--freezer to microwave to table in mere minutes.


Will I buy it again? 

Probably not for myself, simply because I get plenty of rice already without it. But it would be among my choices for dinner guests. What's more, Nina liked it even more than I did, and I hereby give her permission to serve it when it's her turn to make dinner, without worrying that I will reject it.

Trader Joe's Mini Cannoli

Did not like. The texture of the pastry shell was wrong, and the chocolate didn't seem to blend well with the cheese filling.


Will I buy it again? 

No. With all due respect to "The Godfather," I'd have to advise my readers to take the gun, leave the cannoli.

Trader Joe's Ricotta & Spinach Tortelloni With Red Pesto

Unlike most such boasts, the "ready in 5 minutes" here is pretty close to true. Just peel back a corner of the lid and zap it for five minutes.

However, the result is a pretty uninteresting mess of filled pasta and diced veggies. It has been terribly thrashed by the Trader Joe's Blandification Committee.

I fixed this, and simultaneously added a lot of protein to the meal, by separately cooking some thin-sliced fake sausage (this one, which is one of the best you can buy) and adding it to the dish. That made it about 10 times better than it was on its own.


Will I buy it again? 

Yes. I think it's one that Nina would like, so I'll get it at least once more for a dinner with her--appropriately improved by the sausage, of course.

Trader Joe's Pesto Tortelloni

Disappointingly bland and uninteresting. It required some of TJ's Arrabiata Sauce to make it worth eating.


Will I buy it again? 

No.

Trader Joe's Organic Italian Artisan Pasta--Capunti

I had never heard of capunti before seeing this in the new-products section of Trader Joe's. The shape is supposed to be like an open pea pod. (See here for a guide to all the different pasta shapes.)

This stuff is slow to cook, and because it's not an even thickness, it leaves spots that are a bit tough and underdone, much like TJ's Trofie Colore.


Will I buy it again? 

No.

Trader Joe's Italian Mini Ravioli With Cheese Filling

Nina served this for dinner at her house last night. I had never noticed it on the TJ's shelves. Is it new? She says it was in the pasta section, not the new-products shelf. But I don't know how I could have missed it if it had been there long.

Anyway, I wasn't missing much. Even when the pasta was cooked just right, the dried cheese filling remained tough, an unpleasant lump of not-very-authentic-tasting cheese, approximately the texture of an old wad of chewing gum discovered under a school desk.


Will I buy it again? 

No.

Trader Joe's Italian Marinara Sauce With Barolo Wine

As far as I can remember, I've never before bought pasta sauce with wine. But it was on the new-products shelf at Trader Joe's, so of course I had to try it.

The wine flavor is strong--far more than I expected. And I don't like wine.

But surprise! I like this. I like it a lot. It has a nice acidic bite, and the heavy grapeyness (but not really grape, if you know what I mean) adds an unexpectedly delightful and harmonious overtone.

It has quickly joined my list of favorite TJ's pasta sauces, along with this one, this one, this one, this one, and this one--and it's completely unlike any of them.


Will I buy it again? 

Yes.

Trader Joe's Organic Italian Artisan Pasta--Orecchiette

In flavor, this is like any other semolina pasta. What makes it unusual is the shape: "little ears."

I thought I would like this, first, because I like chunky, forkable pastas more than spaghetti, and, second, because it looked like it would hold a lot of sauce easily. I was right on both counts.

However, it had two drawbacks that I had not anticipated. First, it's unusually slow to cook. I guess it takes a while for the water to penetrate the thickish pasta nuggets. Second, once cooked, they tend to nestle inside each other and form clumps. This is unlike my current favorite snowflake pasta (I've stocked up on it for the long year ahead), which does not clump.


Will I buy it again? 

No.

Trader Joe's Authentic Italian Penne Arrabbiata

This is very ordinary frozen pasta. Arrabbiata (i.e., "angry") sauce is supposed to be extra spicy. This was not. It doesn't deserve the label. It's just regular ol' pasta sauce.


Will I buy it again? 

No. I don't think it's any easier to warm this up than to cook some pasta, and I like the results better when I do it myself.