Trader Joe's Organic Frosted Toaster Pastries--Hot Cocoa

This is the latest in a product line that has featured cherry-pomegranate, brown sugar and cinnamon, strawberry, and the seasonal pumpkin flavors.

I like these, no question. But with the chocolate variety even more than with the others, it's impossible to ignore the fact that you're eating what is basically a sugary dessert, rather than a healthy breakfast food. They are basically the embodiment of Bill Cosby's famous story of feeding his kids chocolate cake for breakfast.


Will I buy it again? 

I enjoyed every bite, but no.

Trader Joe's Multi Grain Toaster Waffles

These are completely dull, ordinary frozen toaster waffles, except a little browner and with a slightly "grainier" taste than most.

Nothing to see here. Go back to your homes.


Will I buy it again? 

No. They can't hold a candle to the Belgian Waffles.

Trader Joe's 4 Authentic Belgian Waffles

These are the best frozen waffles I've ever had. Of course they're not as good as ones you make yourself, but they're a lot less work.

The directions say to heat them in a toaster, but in reality they're too thick for that. Even my wide-mouthed toaster wouldn't take them. But my toaster oven worked great.

They're light and flavorful. They crisp up nicely and stand up well to the heavy-syruped strawberries I spooned on top of them.


Will I buy it again? 

It's been a long time since waffles have been part of my life, but these were good enough to make me think I might find a place for them again--more in the dessert realm than for breakfast.

Trader Joe's Chicken Sausage Breakfast Burrito

To the best of my knowledge, Trader Joe's has had only one item called a "breakfast burrito" before--and it was terrible.

This new one is much, much better. Not great, but tasty enough to be enjoyable. It's still on the bland side, and could use a little more kick with the addition of some sort of mild hot sauce, or a spicier sausage recipe, but I liked it as is. It's also far easier to prepare than the previous frozen version--90 seconds in the microwave oven was just right, as the label directs.


Will I buy it again? 

Probably not. I rarely eat any breakfast. Of course I could eat it for some other meal, but if I'm in the mood for a burrito, a breakfast burrito is not usually on my mind. I'd choose this one instead. Or if it's going to be one of those rare occasions that I include poultry, this chicken burrito bowl.

Trader Joe's Organic Frosted Toaster Pastries--Brown Sugar & Cinnamon

I had high hopes for this, given the Top Ten status of the cherry-pomegranate version. But these are actually the least successful of the five in this line (the others being strawberry and pumpkin). Too much brown sugar, not enough cinnamon--and, as a result, just too sugary.


Will I buy it again? 

No.

Trader Joe's Meatless Breakfast Patties

As I've said several times, I'm bound and determined to try every one of Trader Joe's fake meat products. And every time I think I've had them all, I stumble across another one.

This one is completely meh. The TJ's Blandification Committee thrashed it. The patties brown nicely, have a nice texture, and look like sausage. But they taste like grain. They're not awful, but much better versions of the same basic idea are available in most grocery stores, made by MorningStar, Boca, and others. Hey, Trader Joe's--how about adding some traditional sausage-like spices?


Will I buy it again? 

No.

Nina's View

As the official non-meat-eater of this team, I am always rooting for the success of this kind of product. Sadly, I must concur with Bob. These were just south of mediocre.

Trader Joe's Blueberry Breakfast Biscuits

These "biscuits" are a puzzling thing. They're certainly nothing like what is conjured up in the typical American mind by the word "biscuits." I'm not sure they're even what would be conjured up in the typical British mind by their very different use of the same word, though it would be a closer match.

They're like thin blueberry cookies, but with an unusually strong grain-like flavor. I'm not sure if that is attributable to the rye or the oats (the "biscuits" contain both, second and third on the list of ingredients, respectively), or maybe the combination. But whatever is doing it, the result is a powerful cereal-y/granola-y accompaniment to what is otherwise a nice, distinct blueberry flavor.

And, for me, that's what keeps these from being something I'll want again. They feel too dessertish to be a good breakfast food, and too breakfastish to be a dessert.


Will I buy it again? 

No.

Nina's View

I liked these quite a bit. The best part is that the blueberry flavor tastes genuine. I enjoyed them with a glass of soy milk and with coffee.

Trader Joe's Blueberry Raspberry Oat Bran Muffins

This was a completely impulse purchase at the store yesterday. Muffins are not a staple of my diet, I didn't have them on my shopping list, and I didn't even know what kind of muffins TJ's carries. But I saw them, thought they looked good, and took them home. I had one right after I got home, another this morning for breakfast.

I like them, even though they don't fit very well with my mental image of what muffins are supposed to be. I think of muffins as light, while these are dense, heavy, substantial, and chewy. But I didn't mind. They're moist and delicious.

They're not perfect. The paper cup is really difficult to remove intact; I had to dig out a bunch of small pieces that tore off, leaving a pock-marked muffin behind. They're unusually sticky. I'd up the number of berries by about 50% if it were up to me. But still, the overall eating experience was strongly more positive than negative.


Will I buy it again? 

Next time the muffin impulse hits me, I hope I find them again.

Trader Joe's British Style Crumpets--Cinnamon

You can see at a glance that these are basically the same as TJ's plain crumpets, but with a little cinnamon added. So see that earlier review, imagine the same thing with a medium helping of cinnamon, and you'll know what to expect here.

They're good. The dose of cinnamon is about right. But even though I'm generally a fan of cinnamon, I finally decided that it doesn't work especially well here. I prefer the plain version.

Other views 

What's Good at Trader Joe's blog: "At $2.49 for six, this product is simply brill. Sonia gives them 4.5 stars, and I give 'em 4. Really, really darn good. Bottom line: 8.5 out of 10."

Rebe with a Clause blog: "I had my first one this morning and I'm in love." 

Shannon's Lightening the Load blog: "The cinnamon flavor is very mild, it just kind of lingers in the background – it is no where a “BAM! Cinnamon” flavor. I enjoyed them warm and slightly crisped out of the toaster, spritzed with spray butter. I found they were yummy and simple in this manner."

Will I buy it again? 

Probably not, but only because I liked the plain ones better.

Trader Joe's Breakfast Burritos

This post begins a whole week of reviews of Trader Joe's Mexican food. 


First let me address the heating directions. I found once again that TJ's significantly understates the oven time needed. They say 10 minutes unwrapped, then 15-20 minutes wrapped in foil, all at 450 degrees. But that leaves these things just barely above room temperature in the middle. For my second one, I went 25 minutes in the foil, and that got it to warm. But they should be piping hot. If I were going to try again, I'd go for 30 minutes.

However, I'm never going to get the opportunity, because this product will never inhabit my kitchen again. Why? Blame it on the Blandification Committee. They finished their usual process, then hired some temp workers and had them work overtime on further blandification, trying to see just how far they could go down the road of utter lack of flavor in a food product.

But don't take my word for it. Here's how it was expressed by the "What's Good at Trader Joe's" blog four years ago:

Really, Trader Joe's? Really? C'mon. I'm just going to go ahead and say skip these and stick to whatever kind of breakfast burrito you can buy off the roach coach that pulls up to your office parking lot in the morning. It might not be healthy, but I can virtually guarantee it'll have more flavor. Sonia immediately proclaimed "These taste like cardboard." That says it all. They do. I'm not sure what process can prevent the natural flavors of eggs, potatoes, turkey bacon, and cheese from coming through at all, but TJ's has apparently discovered one. Honestly, to call these "bland" would be a gross understatement. I slathered my burrito with Cholula hot sauce and was able to finish it. Sonia finished hers, too, but only because she really doesn't like to waste food.

Or consider the similar assessment from the "Club Trader Joe's" blog, also from 2011:

I really like the idea of breakfast burritos! I really, really wanted to like these, but here again is another example where TJ’s goes a little overboard on the healthy food kick. These include “nitrite free turkey bacon”. OK, this stuff had no flavor what so ever. I couldn’t taste any bacon flavor at all! Then comes the lite shredded cheese. Again, no flavor. I couldn’t really tell there was cheese in it at all. Really all I tasted was some eggs and potatoes. I had to put a bunch of salt and pepper on them and then dip the burrito in some Trader Joe’s Salsa!

These people speak truth. It should not be possible to take a tortilla, eggs, potatoes, Jack cheese, and turkey bacon, and have the result taste like...nothing. But TJ's has done exactly that. OK, to be fair, I can taste a little potato and a bit of scrambled egg. But I never once noticed any cheesiness nor a bit of bacony anything in two of these bad boys.

It's a completely pointless, meritless product, worthy of a dishonorable mention in my Bottom Ten list.

Incidentally, if you ever want to taste the best breakfast burrito on the planet, try Hurricane's next time you're in Albuquerque, New Mexico, and ask for the "Breakfast Disaster Burrito." Trust me on this.

Will I buy it again? 

No. It's a disaster, and not in the nice Hurricane's way.

Trader Joe's Organic Frosted Toaster Pastries--Strawberry

This will be short and to the point. These are less sickeningly sweet and more like real food than their more famous Kellogg's counterpart. But they are not nearly as delicious as their TJ's shelfmate, the cherry-pomegranate variety, which is one of my Top Ten list.

Will I buy it again? 

Not as long as the cherry-pomegranate is sitting next to it, beckoning me.

Trader Joe's Organic Frosted Toaster Pastries--Cherry-Pomegranate

In the process of sampling Trader Joe's pumpkin-spice toaster pastries, I discovered the existence of a non-seasonal version in cherry-pomegranate. As I wrote then, "It took about three seconds for that to go onto my shopping list. Stay tuned."

I finished eating my first pair of them about ten minutes ago, and I can tell you that it took about the same three seconds for them to hit my Top Ten list. They are that good. They are simply the best toaster pastries I've ever had.

To be sure, I love both cherry and pomegranate enough that practically anything that combines them is going to go to my happy place. But even with that high expectation in place in advance, these exceeded it. They are the platonic ideal of a toaster pastry.

I'm not the only one who deems them exceptional.

What's Good at Trader Joe's:

[T]he filling tastes like real, actual fruit instead of glucosey/corn syrupy colored sugary gunk.... I had to talk Sandy out of eating a pack on a Sunday morning when we had a lot more time AND leftover carrot cake for a sweet breakfast treat. She said something silly about really really really really liking them, but I fail to remember what that was. 

Bake at 350:

From the outside, it looks like something out of a commercial -- but the taste actually lives up to its looks. The pastry and icing parts are very sweet (in a good way), and they are perfectly complemented by the fruitiness of the inside filling, which has an absolutely fantastic taste! I hardly ever eat toaster pastries/pop-tarts, but I think I may start to now! Overall rating: 5 out of 5 stars. 

Go buy some right now. $2.49 for a box of six. (Quibble: TJ's claims a serving size of one pastry. Oh, please. Show me even one person who eats just one at a time.) 

Will I buy it again? 

I'm in love. How could I not? 

Trader Joe's Organic Frosted Toaster Pastries--Pumpkin

I used to eat Pop Tarts a lot--both when I was a kid and for much of my adult life. It's a habit that has fallen by the wayside in recent years. I've lived in Asheville for almost two years, and have had none in that time.

I honestly didn't even know that Trader Joe's had its own line of Pop Tart knockoffs. I almost never buy traditional breakfast foods, so I haven't explored that section of the TJ's shelves. I only knew about the pumpkin variety because of posts on Twitter. Then when my local store had a big display of them set up on the end of an aisle, I gave in to curiosity. Frankly, I expected to find them disgusting, but I figured it would be worth a laugh, and give me a chance to write a funny, scathing review.

Well, I can't do that. I actually liked them. The pumpkin-spice flavoring is much sweeter and milder than I had anticipated. The strangest thing is that somehow they tasted like real food, which one could never say of the Kellogg's products. Maybe that's because of ingredients like whole-wheat flour and cane sugar. I'm genuinely surprised by how good these things are. They are no mere seasonal gimmick.

Will I buy it again? 

I'm not so gung-ho for them that I'm ready to overhaul my eating habits in order to fit toaster pastries back into my daily routine. But I think I can bring home one box a year when TJ's rolls them out every fall, and look forward to it, without making myself sick of them. And now that I look around the web, I see that TJ's has a cherry-pomegranate flavor of toaster pastries. It took about three seconds for that to go onto my shopping list. Stay tuned.

Trader Joe's Scallion Pancakes (Pa jeon)

Nina's View 

You may remember when Bob commenced this enterprise, he swore a mighty oath that he would not be reviewing anything with onions in it. That would, of course, include spring onions, aka scallions, of which this product is chockablock full.

Words cannot express the tragedy that this represents. Alas, Bob will never enjoy or have the chance to come to appreciate the all-out deliciousness that are Trader Joe's frozen pucks of delight, the Scallion Pancakes (Pa jeon) of Joy.

I eat them for breakfast.

I eat them for lunch.

I eat them for dinner.

Or a snack. 

I fry them in a non-stick pan. The packaging says you should add oil, but I don't, because they've got plenty oil in them (enough so that they even require blotting with a paper towel when done). In about five to seven minutes on a medium-low heat, with plenty of pressing and flipping, you get a marvelously browned item with a crispy outside, a tender inside, and oodles of scalliony goodness. A little soy sauce or just salt and you have nomming perfection.

You get four pancakes in a bag. Generally, I find one makes a good serving size. But they're so tasty that I'm frequently tempted to cook another one up right after I finish the first. I recommend refraining. They are filling and the second one is too much for one person.

This is the sort of prepared food I can get behind. Yes, I'm sure I could learn to make these (in fact, I should probably try). But the reality is I'm unlikely to decide to whip up scallion pancakes on short notice *and* have all the materials to hand. Whereas these can reside in my freezer awaiting my whim. This is a little indulgence I'm prepared to pay for.