Trader Joe's Chewy Marshmallow Bar

Rice Krispie treats are wondrous things. But store-bought versions are always a big disappointment--dry and lifeless. Trader Joe's own version (which I think is no longer available, but I haven't checked in a long time) was appallingly, inedibly awful.

Trader Joe's has redeemed itself now. Their new version is without a doubt the best store-bought Rice Krispie treat I've ever had. (Don't @ me with quibbles about the name. I don't care if they don't use actual Kellogg's Rice Krispies, nor what name is on the package. They're Rice Krispie treats, period.) It's soft and chewy and sweet, with big islands of marshmallow generously scattered throughout.

The only problem I encountered was that eating one this good made me want more--but I had purchased just one.

Interestingly, TJ's appears to have used vegan marshmallows in making this; they have tapioca starch and carrageenan instead of animal-derived gelatin. But then they made it non-vegan by including butter. This seems like a peculiar choice. They're excluding a growing segment of potential customers by not making the relatively simple substitution of some form of margarine, after having made the seemingly more difficult replacement of the traditional gelatin. Why?


Will I buy it again? 

Yes. And next time, Ima try giving it a little microwave zap first, and see how close that comes to replicating the fresh-from-the-pan homemade kind.

Trader Joe's Raises The Bar Chewy Granola Bar With Maple Flavor, Oats, Millet, Quinoa, Amaranth, Buckwheat & Pumpkin Seeds

I had to include the super-long name here in order to distinguish this product from a similar one that is the same up through the "chewy granola bar" part.

These are OK, with a nicely chewy texture, but they have way too much maple flavor for my taste. Of course, if you're a bigger fan of maple than I am, this will be a feature, not a bug.


Will I buy it again? 

No.

Trader Joe's Apple Mango Dried Fruit Bar

This is the last of the four versions of this product. Sadly, it's also the least enjoyable. As with the apricot, the balance is off--but even more so. I had to concentrate hard to find any mango here. It was just apple apple apple. This isn't an intrinsically terrible thing; I'd buy a "dried apple bar." But it's not what the wrapper promises.


Will I buy it again? 

In spite of my griping, yes. I don't like this or the apricot varieties as much as the strawberry and raspberry, but I'll keep them all coming home with me.

Trader Joe's Apple Apricot Dried Fruit Bar

I adore apricots, so I had predicted that this would be my favorite of the four versions of Trader Joe's Dried Fruit Bars.

It wasn't. I like it just fine, but didn't love it. There's just too much apple and not enough apricot.


Will I buy it again? 

Yes. I think I'll still get all four of them in equal numbers, for the sake of variety.

Trader Joe's Apple Raspberry Dried Fruit Bar

This is just like the apple-strawberry version, but with raspberry.

Because of that, I should like it better; raspberry beats strawberry as a general rule. But for reasons I can't articulate, I thought it wasn't quite as good. Close, though.


Will I buy it again? 

Yes. I'll be happy to keep both on hand.

Trader Joe's Apple Strawberry Dried Fruit Bar

This is like "fruit leather," but made only from dried fruit--nothing added except ascorbic acid (vitamin C). No extra sugar, gums, etc.

And it's delicious.


Will I buy it again? 

Definitely. This is going to become a staple that I keep around all the time for snacking.

Trader Joe's PB&J Bars

I went to a friend's table-games night this week, and took along this box of bars to share and to get some varied opinions. Four other guests tried them with me.

The majority opinion: "They're kind of weird," in both taste and texture. One said they're too sweet. One said the peanut butter seems almost non-existent. On the plus side, one said that they're not great, but would probably be welcomed by those with limited choices in the granola-bar category because of issues with gluten.

My observations: 1. Compared to the actual product, the box photo looks like they injected about ten times the amount of jelly. 2. Far and away the most prominent component is the oat shell, which is the least tasty, least interesting part. 3. I thought the peanut butter and jelly parts were balanced about right with each other, but both needed serious beefing up in relation to the oat shell. 4. They're kind of weird.


Will I buy it again? 

No.

Trader Joe's "This Apple Walks Into A Bar..."

These are just like the blueberry and strawberry versions of the same basic product, but not as good. So buy those instead.


Will I buy it again? 

No.

Trader Joe's Organic Brown Rice Marshmallow Treats

Let's not beat around the bush. These things are vile, unholy perversions of one of the best treats ever concocted. You know those always-disappointing factory-made Rice Krispie treats that Kellogg's sells in foil packets? I would rather eat ten of those than one more of these.

I actually powered through two of these bars (well, almost two; I just couldn't bear to quite finish the second one) trying to pin down just was was so repulsive about them, but failed. There's a weird flavor that I've never encountered before. I'm guessing that it's the "brown rice syrup" they use to make the "organic marshmallow" component.

It's not hard to find similar opinions elsewhere on the intertubes:

The Gluten-Free Gluttony blog (showing that the nastiness dates back to at least 2009):

I had to find out if it tasted like those treats I once loved so much. I bit in expecting ecstasy and all I got was a nastiness with a kicking after taste. Yuck. I was not feeling nostalgic one bit. Maybe that smell was a warning?

The Candy and Chocolate Lover blog: 

Greasy. Yucky.Well, caveat emptor as usual.Cut out the midpoint-man - just eat your money. At least there's a modest fiber in there. Or I suppose you could eat the box, it's going to taste best.

The Jessielah blog: 

The box reads: Kids and adults of all ages will like the crispy, chewy, creamy taste of these traditional treats made the healthy way! That. Is a lie. I gave a piece to Jaxon and he threw it down like a hot turd. Even this girl thought they were so gross she felt the need to blog about it. Crispy and creamy? How can you be crispy and creamy? You can’t. That’s called S-T-A-L-E. I didn’t know how these rice crispy treats failed so badly. It’s rice, marshmallow, butter, and some cold. I checked the ingredients. Oh. Vegan. Gluten-free. Crap. And what the hell is vegetable glycerin and why is it in my treats?!? Sigh. I seriously considered returning these to Trader Joe’s to demand my $2.99 and my taste buds back, but the dog got into them and puked them up all over the house. My life is fabulous.

To be fair, I also found three people saying that they liked them, or at least that they weren't as bad as they had heard. But those weren't nearly as amusing. Plus, if they like these things, they're demented, so their opinions don't count. 

I would not have thought it possible for the store I love so much to despoil rice krispie treats so badly that the result would end up on my Bottom Ten list. But that's just what they have done. 

Will I buy it again? 

Perish the thought. 

Trader Joe's This Mango Walks Into A Bar...

This is Day 11 of an extended New Products Week, and Day Two of MANGOPALOOZA! 


I was surprised at how good these bars were. They're right up there with the strawberry and blueberry versions.

Three Dog Night sang that they would "throw away the cars and the bars and the wars." I hope these were not among the "bars" they would get rid of.


Will I buy it again? 

Yes.

Trader Joe's "This Cranberry Flavored With Other Natural Flavors Walks Into A Bar..."

I'm torn about this product.

I liked the bars. In fact, my initial reaction was that they tasted even better than the non-seasonal varieties--blueberry and strawberry.

However.

It was also instantly obvious that this is not what cranberries taste like--way too sweet for that. A quick look at the list of ingredients explains it. The first three components of the filling are "brown rice syrup, sugar, cane syrup." Put a bit more bluntly, that would be "sugar, sugar, and more sugar." There is absolutely no trace of what should be the natural cranberry tartness.

In case that's not enough sugar for you, move on to the ingredients in the shell, and you'll find that the list begins with "organic wheat flour, dried cane syrup, invert cane syrup." In other words, "flour, sugar, and more sugar."

The list of ingredients in the filling also helps explain that mysterious clause not found in the titles of the other similar products: "flavored with other natural flavors." After the three forms of sugar, we find apple powder, glycerin, modified food starch, water--then, finally, cranberry juice concentrate, pectin, "natural flavor," citric acid.

Each bar has 140 calories, 25 of which are from fat, 8 from protein, 52 from sugar, and 52 from other carbohydrates. (I realize that means 3 calories are missing. I assume this is from rounding errors in the nutrition information.)

So basically Trader Joe's managed to appeal to my nearly insatiable sweet tooth. I guess you can consider that a success of sorts. They do taste good. But there are no cranberries here, and precious little of anything that ever came from a cranberry. And tons of sugar.

That's not what I want from a breakfast/snack bar.


Will I buy it again? 

No.

Trader Joe's Rolled Oats & Peanut Butter Fiberful Granola Bars

See yesterday's review of the Rolled Oats & Chocolate Chip Fiberful Granola Bars. Replace "chocolate chips" with "peanut butter" (and peanut pieces), and you have these. Slightly different, equally good.

Trader Joe's Rolled Oats & Chocolate Chips Fiberful Granola Bars

Granola bars are not my usual choice in snacks. But as I've mentioned several times, I needed a bunch of snacks for a recent two-week vacation with lots of time on a tour bus between destinations. My father was with me, and I was supplying snack food for both of us many of those days.

We both liked these bars. Chewy, a little crunchy from the rice crisps, not too much chocolate, filling. These would be excellent to take on a hike or bike ride, though not in an environment hot enough to cause chocolate melting to be an issue. Then I think you'd have a mess when trying to eat them.

Will I buy it again? 

Yes.

Trader Joe's "This Blueberry Walks Into A Bar..."

Having liked the strawberry version of the same product previously, when I went back to the store to get more of them, these went into the basket as well. No surprise: I liked them just as much. If I weren't afraid that it's against the law to like something more than strawberry, I might even say that these were a teeny tiny bit better. They're basically like eating a piece of blueberry pie.

Now I have to wonder about the other varieties--I believe I've seen apple and fig alongside the strawberry and blueberry. Will they be as good?

Will I buy it again? 

Yes. Yes I will.

Trader Joe's Peanut Butter Chewy Coated & Drizzled Granola Bars

I generally don't like granola bars, because most of them have some sort of nuts as a prime ingredient, and I'm at least mildly anti-nut. But among TJ's thousand or so varieties of granola bars, I found this one with no nuts. (Well, peanuts, but they're not really nuts anyway.) I wasn't sure if I would like it--but I did.

It's peanuts and peanut butter, with rolled oats, wheat flakes, rice crips, and a hint of caramel. What's not to like? It makes an excellent late-night snack. It would also make a nice energy source for a long hike or bike ride.

Will I buy it again? 

I'll try. The trick will be picking the right package. The granola bar selection at TJ's is hugely daunting and confusing--almost as bad as trying to find the one trail mix you like among the one million choices there.

Trader Joe's fruit bars

As with so many things from Trader Joe's, these were an impulse purchase. I couldn't have put them on my shopping list, because I didn't know that they--or anything like them--existed until I spotted them on a kiosk near the checkout lines.

What's unusual about them is that each type of bar lists exactly two ingredients: apples plus mangoes, coconuts, or bananas. No fillers or binders, no flavors or colorings, no preservatives--no nothing.

I couldn't even guess what they would look like when unwrapped. Well, to save you the suspense, here's the answer:

It looks like they just take minced, partially dried fruit and press it into the shape of a bar. The fruit is not as fully dehydrated as it is when you buy packages of dried apples, dried pineapple, dried apricots, or whatever. Calculation from the nutrition information on the back suggests that about 10% of the bar's weight is water.

I had imagined eating these as a late-night snack. But instead, Nina and I shared them for dessert after a dinner.

I thought the apple-coconut was excellent. I can't remember anything I've had before that mixed these two ingredients, or even apple and coconut as flavors. It's an unusual combination, but it works great.

Next up was apple-mango. Again nice, though not as big a hit as the apple-coconut. My experience is that after just a bite or two of real mango, I start to notice an unpleasant, slightly bitter aftertaste. Here, however, the sweetness of the apple prevented that phenomenon.

The apple-banana was the least successful. It wasn't awful, just not as pleasing as the others. The banana component was clearly the culprit. I thought it had some bitterness, while Nina described it as a somewhat chemical taste.

I think these bars would be excellent wherever you might otherwise use dried fruit, or as a substitute for more conventional energy bars. Stick 'em in a pocket or backpack to use while hiking, biking, or on a long trip by car, bus, or plane. (I will eat them on a boat. I will eat them with a goat.)

Will I buy it again? 

Apple-coconut, definitely. Apple-mango, probably. Apple-banana, unlikely.



Addendum 

A couple of weeks after writing the above (but before it was published), I went back to TJ's to buy more, and discovered another variety: the apple-strawberry.

It was excellent--right up there with the apple-coconut. I will definitely be bringing home more of these.

Trader Joe's Chocolate Chip Brownie & Oat Bars

I hesitated buying these for two reasons. First, when you have both "brownie" and "chocolate chip" in the name of the product, it's pretty hard to convince yourself that these are somehow healthy snacks. I mean, why not just eat brownies? Second, the terrible photo on the box makes it look like they should have called these "Oats in Turd Bars."

My second concern was not borne out. Fortunately, this is one of the rare occasions when the actual product is more attractive than the picture.

My first concern, however, held up. Eating one of these bars is like eating a not-very-good brownie, including little moments of pause to wonder why there seem to be some oats mixed into the brownies. That would be acceptable--though still not ideal--if your intention was to eat a brownie. But if your intention is to eat something resembling a healthy granola bar, you have ventured far afield with this selection.

This was yet another item I was auditioning for backpack purposes. I was interested in things that were either genuinely healthy and nutritious, or that I could at least fool myself into believing were healthy and nutritious. These completely fail that test.

If I'm going to have a brownie for a snack, I don't want there to be oats, and I want the thing to taste a lot better than these do.

Will I buy it again? 

Uh, no.

Trader Joe's Chocolate Chip Chewy Coated Granola Bars

This is yet another product that I probably never would have sampled if not for the need to find some backpack-worthy snacks for my trip.

I didn't like these quite as much as the "This Strawberry Walks Into A Bar" things, but they were certainly better than other granola bars I've tried in the past (which, admittedly, isn't a whole lot). Really nice texture, simultaneously crispy and chewy.

This is going to sound scandalous, but I thought they were too sweet, and too chocolaty. But I can put a couple away for some quick energy without any serious complaint.

Will I buy it again? 

They made the cut for my trek backpack, but I didn't enjoy them enough to seek them out for my snack cupboard.

Trader Joe's "This Strawberry Walks Into A Bar..."

I have never before had to wrestle with how to punctuate a blog post title here. I decided that the quotation marks and ellipsis were part of the name of the product and thus had to be included.

This was the second (of many) product I bought to test for its suitability as a backpack item on my recent trip where I would sometimes be without meal facilities.

I have very little experience with cereal or granola bars. They have just never seemed very appealing to me. But I figured if I could find one I liked, it would be good for purposes of my vacation.

I was greatly surprised at how good these were. Soft and delicious. Very strawberry-y. After about two bites of the first one, I had moved them from the mental category of "if I can choke these down, they'll save me from being miserably hungry when I can't stop for real food on my trip" to "these should be in regular rotation in my snack cupboard."

I'm not yet ready to crown them a Top Ten item, but I'm very happy to have discovered them.

Will I buy it again? 

Literally on my next trip to TJ's. I want more!

Addendum 

I did take them on my trip, and they were a great part of my backpack food collection, along with fruit bars, dried fruits, peanuts, and granola bars.