Monday, April 13, 2015

Trader Joe's Watermelon Cucumber Cooler

This is not a new product; it apparently came on the Trader Joe's scene about this same time last year. I'm guessing that TJ's is making a company-wide push to sell it again now as a spring beverage. This is based on (1) the large display of them I found last week at the Asheville, NC, store, and (2) a sudden surge in the number of people in the last two weeks who have taken to Twitter to say that they found this "new" product, or that they have bought it for the first time, or that they love it.

As for that last group of Twitterers, I think they have plumb lost their damn minds. Because this stuff is gross. According to the ingredients list, there is more sugar than either watermelon juice concentrate or cucumber juice concentrate. And it shows--it's disgustingly sweet.

Let us speak candidly: This is sugar water, with a little watermelon juice and cucumber juice thrown in. That is not what I want when I head to the refrigerator for a refreshing beverage.

It seems, however, that others disagree with me. The "Eating at Joe's" blog describes it as "a rare participant in the summer drink wars – a beverage that satisfies the sweet tooth, quenches the thirst, refreshes with cucumber, and goes easy on the sugar." The "Vegan Taste" blog "loved it" for its "fresh, sweet note of watermelon without being overly sweet." The author of the relevant post on the "What's Good at Trader Joe's" blog  couldn't get past the weirdness of drinking cucumber juice, but reported that his wife was "down with the cucumberiness" and thought it would be "perfect come summertime."

I think anybody who tastes this and finds it not overly sweet needs to go through some sort of government-mandated resetting of their sweetness scales.

Will I buy it again? 

No. Because it's gross and it shouldn't exist and the memory of it will make me mildly nauseated every time I pass the display in the store.


  1. I really like this cooler. Sitting here in the desert in 100 degree heat I find it very refreshing and could see it being stocked in my fridge all summer long. Would also be great with some vodka or tequila

  2. Is this product still available in your areas? I purchased three bottle this spring, but have not seen it in my TJs since.

  3. I haven't noticed. But I think it's only available seasonally--beginning of summer.

  4. It's great! Didn't realize it was a diabetes death trap, but hopefully the tequila will mask it. I've gone to several TJs and they are out! It must be seasonal or in high demand!